Category Archives: In General….

Men and the emotional weight…

From children, some men were raised to be tough, strong, fearless, avoidant of crying or closeness, and under no means was vulnerability a trait that manhood requires.

These young boys were taught not cry when experiencing real physical or emotional pain. That their feelings and emotions don’t matter because only “girls display that type of stuff”! As they grow older their first love hurts them and they are told “toughen up, and find several more! Sadness isn’t normal! Love is for babies and little girls! Get them before they get you. Never tell them how you feel because they will use it against you. No one will ever love you anyway. Or lastly, mom is the only woman that truly loves me”. These young men have been exposed to and/or experienced physical, sexual and mental abuse that they’ve been too ashamed to speak on.

How can he learn true resolve if the human need to expel emotion is revoked?

This breeds men that are disconnected emotionally and mentally, are always “ok”, strong to a fault, emotionally and mentally exhausted, have a fear of intimacy and vulnerability, emotionally and mentally co-dependent on mom, incapable of committing, unknowingly depressed and breaking down from the inside out. This burden is a trend in their world.

The world hasn’t really been that considerate of the feelings of men, especially the feelings of Black men. In a country they fight for that also fears their very existence, they must humble themselves to avoid being any type of threat. They are prejudged and ridiculed solely based on appearance. We say we want men to lead and to command respect while placing the world on their shoulders and expecting them to have no feelings about the effects of such a burden.

It is time to allow men to not only express but for them to truly acknowledge and feel. How can he be at fault for understanding sex but not intimacy under these terms? If we as a society, continue to think it’s ok to call a man that speaks his truth “weak”, then we are also saying that it is ok for him to walk through life and damage as many people that are in his path. That my dear, includes his children as well. That cycle will continue to damage throughout the generations of young men and women until someone decides that it is time for change.

A man whom is healed, is a man who possesses unmatched strength!

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Love or friendship?

I was watching divorce court one day and each person was saying “I still love him/her, but I want out”! So my question is, what makes the marriage last? In my opinion, it is the friendship. No matter how much you love your mate, you must be their friend first. A marriage can not blissfully succeed without it. My reason is simple…. Your friends are easily forgiven. They may lie to you or even talk behind your back, but somehow you say it’s ok and are friends once again. If at some point your spouse disagrees with you or tells you a white lie, oh it’s over!!! Call the lawyers and divide this stuff up!
So often do people say, Why can he/she not talk to me, the way they are so open with their friends. Well, why not open the door. First, leave the judgement, criticism, and snarky comments at the door. Your spouse wants a friend, not a tyrant, judge or jury. It’s never to late unless the proceedings have begun, but even then you never know. Marriages and relationships are on a rapid decline, when the vows were said, they were said with forever on mind. Now if it is most definitely a done deal , so be it! Just consider how you would want to be forgiven or how you interact with your friends.


Opposites- Setisoppo: Do they attract??

Do opposites really attract??
I often hear people say opposites attract, but I wonder for how long. In the beginning people love what seems opposite to them, but after a couple of years things may greatly fizzle.

Example 1: you love how calm she is and the fact that she stays home to wait for you. On the other hand, you’re a social butterfly and the honeymoon phase is over. You want to do something, anything except stay home!! Now you’re second guessing if this is the right one for you because you compromised your wants. You understand compromise, but when does that become complete sacrifice.
Example 2: He is a ton of fun, but a little sarcastic. Not dumb, but could use a peep at current events. You’re the intellectual type, but he keeps you smiling. That was fun at first, but now you want to have stimulating conversation and that is a no go because of his lack there of.

Just an observation but do people become bored with what is consider the opposite?


Striptease….Freaky Friday!

Had to do some research for you πŸ™‚

Ever try to do a strip tease or really wanted to, but didn’t want to be embarrassed? Well first thing first, men just enjoy the thought of knowing that you won’t be wearing clothes long πŸ™‚ Just a few tips on some spicy techniques to add to your routine. Set the video camera up first!!!!

1. Make sure he is seated in the middle of the room.

2. Try a business suit. No shirt underneth, just a bra, no panties. Make sure the breast are sitting up nicely and button the jacket. (There is something enticing about a woman in a business suit).

3. Very high heels. (Heels accentuate the legs and buttocks).

4. Sexy music. (choose music that your man enjoys, he will love it). Something you can groove to!

5. Make sure you smell tasty.

6. Go slow and start from across the room. Keep heels on at all times. Bottoms (hopefully a skirt, not pants) will come off first.

7. Stand in front of his chair and use any leg to place your foot in his chair. Bend over towards him, kiss him. Tease each lip with soft kisses and gently suck. Step back down, turn around, give him a little lap dance. Pop back up really slow and sexy, with your butt near his face and pull the skirt down slowly, tease a little. All that’s left are the jacket, heels, and panties. What happens next is up to you!! Enjoy!!


Self Pleasure…


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The older I get, I run into more women (especially young ones) that can not imagine pleasuring themselves. I hear things like ” it does nothing for me” or ” my man does it right, so I don’t need to do it”. One has nothing to do with the other. If you have a difficult time pleasing yourself, how can anyone else please you? Just curious. It’s a true state of relaxation and no pressure of satisfying anyone but yourself at the moment. You learn new things about yourself πŸ˜‰

How do you know everything you like or how to teach him your best number, if you don’t know it? Have you ever had that climb up the wall and electrifying passion that caused an internal explosion before you even get started? Amazing right? Well, real self pleasure is all enjoyment and only if you desire it. No pressure.

There is a whole different type of orgasm that occurs when you’re controlling it. It helps you get to know yourself as a woman. It is empowering! No, it does not replace your mate or make you want them any less, it can enhance what you have. When in a long term monogamous relationship, the same old thing becomes mundane. If you’re single, you may want to consider it. Life is too short to be unsatisfied.

I know it is not for everyone, but at least try it before you completely disregard it. I even have some toys that I highly recommend! So feel free to inquire. Don’t be ashamed of achieving an amazing orgasm. Being in touch with your own sexuality is an amazing feeling and you’re allowed to have it. We will all get well acquainted in this area with self confidence and self sexual gratification.

Until next time…
Let’s get spicy!!!!!


Love/Job requirements??

If we were chosen for relationships based on our experience and qualifications, would you hire yourself? Do you believe that the things that you require in a relationship go both ways? Many times people have expectations for others, but they do not meet the standards they themselves are looking for. Is it fair to be so particular if you do not bring the same things to the table? Thoughts?


Am I destined to stay single??

So you’re in a relationship for 6 months ( timeframe may vary) and decide to move in together. However, you still have a wandering eye or lustful thoughts for others. So now you want your space and think it is time to take a break even though you really care deeply for this person. You now start second guessing whether or not you should even be in a relationship. Sound familiar? Well, let me give you my thoughts on the subject….

People that are in successful and happy marriages for 25 years, have found themselves looking at other people (which we discussed in the previous post). Having lustful thoughts can be very bad depending on the actions that follow. I’m a realist so please understand when I say the actions, not the thoughts, are the bigger deal. When you love someone, you have to consider how you would feel if the tables were turned. All these ingredients aren’t a recipe for staying single unless you want it to be. Everything worth having is worth fighting for. It’s not often that you meet a person that loves you completely, not for what you can do for them, but because of who you are. Their complete acceptance of you. We are all flawed with baggage but real love isn’t that common, so if you find it, grab it! If you decide to go along with a break, see how you feel without the person. If you feel empty, then rethink that decision. If you feel free, then you made the right decision.

The best start to a relationship, is a friendship. People are more forgiving of their friends, than their lovers. Friendships make the relationship stronger and places it on a better foundation. Things go wrong in love, but cutting and running because of fear or claustrophobia are not good reasons to lose out on a good thing. No one is perfect and loving is a learning process and relationship are balancing acts. Make it happen!


Sometimes…

Sometimes, if only for a moment I wish I could be a kid again. Or at the very least, disappear for awhile to some quiet with no worries. As a kid, life was a bit easier, no decisions to make, no tears unless I was really bad or being spoiled, but most importantly my loved ones were near, dear, safe and sound. Well, mostly. I remember the first time my heart felt broken. I was 10 years old. My mom came into my room with a cup of chocolate pudding and sat down next to me. My Uncle had past. At 10, this man was much of my universe. His smile, his happiness, his laughter. Just one of the greatest humans to live. See, my grandfather died a few years prior but I didn’t know him well and hadn’t spent much time with him. I grew up in New Jersey near my uncle (his brother) but my grandfather lived in Baltimore. My uncle became my surrogate grandfather in a way. When he passed, it felt as if a part of me died as well.

Fast forward 25 years, my strongest rock, my grand foundation, and another piece of me is lying in wait of death and my heart is once again in shambles….

Waiting is the worse. Watching is sadness.

So yes, take me to a space of no worries. Even if only for a moment. I usually go silent when I deal with major life events, it’s helpful. I just chose to write this time. Find a way to express yourself and know that it’s ok to be sad at times, but don’t stay in that space too long. Release.

I won’t complain because much has been given in this life. So many blessings, exciting moments and laughter! Take a moment to smile at those thoughts. No one is untouchable, take time to appreciate them while they’re here…

Joy comes in the morning.


The Battle…

β€œWhen I had nothing more to lose, I was given everything. When I ceased to be who I am, I found myself. When I experienced humiliation and yet kept on walking, I understood that I was free to choose my destiny.”

Paulo Coelho

Sometimes you find yourself in an uphill battle with war waged against you for unknown reasons. Even when you fight, your heart is the armor but the outcome is only known by your opponent. Often times so many of us travel the world with unhealed hearts that we purposely find numerous faults with others, become careless with others feelings, humiliate them, hurt them, and force them away to avoid dealing with matters of the heart. Maybe they entered your life with the goal to destroy, hurt or dismantle. Or maybe it’s simply… hurt people, hurt people. Fear drives people. Confusion scares people. Loneliness becomes defensiveness. Darkness becomes the shadow.

If you’ve been there, be a light for the walk up the path. The most unexpected things and unexpected people become healing. It is no easy feat nor can it be forced. Being the light doesn’t make you flawless or indestructible, it makes you willing and capable yet still a work in progress.

There have been many things things that were suppose to break you in your ethereal state but you are resilient with a purpose filled with love, forgiveness, hope, wisdom and passion to a fault. With that said….protect your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.


Freedom of Love…

The most confusing parts about love, is being in it by yourself and freeing yourself to allow it. That moment when you realize that you’ve fallen in the deep end with no life jacket. How does the other person feel? Do they feel territorial, is it self preservation or love? You have no real idea. You’re a lover by nature, but not easy to trust and give your heart. So when you do, it’s pretty authentic. Your natural empathic abilities lead you to care deeply for many but only truly love a few. You had no plans of falling, but isn’t that how life works? Loving freely can be a catch 22 for those that have control issues. You have this constant urge to take it back but it’s already out there. The ultimate level of vulnerability. It says that not only have you allowed yourself to give of yourself freely, but you’ve given up controlling what life says should be freed. Love.

Why must we complicate it? Either you do or you don’t, right? Ha!! Complication is the human way! How do you even know when someone truly loves you? Does it matter if it’s one-sided? What about love languages? Is it the verbiage of “I love you”? The way they act? Which means more to you? Does not knowing make you feel deflated? Lessen your love? Wish you could rewind and erase it?

I often wonder why so many people are afraid of loving or speaking in love. Is it because of the possibility of being hurt? Unrequited love? Their past lovers? Childhood? Loving too soon? Isn’t that a testament to the other person? I’m a firm believer that you get one chance at this life. Even if reincarnation, recycling of souls or any variation of such actually occurs, you won’t know. Therefore, we get this one shot. Stop being so afraid of loving people. Living is about loving. I know, I know, loving without being loved back sucks ass! Trust me, I know. The heart wants what the heart wants. When it’s not returned, it kind of creates that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach and you just want to run away (see, told you I understand)! That doesn’t mean that closing yourself off is the healthy option. It’s not! That’s their issue to address in life, not yours. Be willing to walk that walk of love with them, but only if you know it’s what they want as well. Never force love. Love is the easy part. If you’re not sure, take a few steps back to reassess. Give your heart a break. Give them the space they made need. Be open and honest with both your words and your actions. Sometimes you must let that person go to remain the loving being that you are. Someone will come along and thrive on that love, but you must be open and willing.

If you’re the person on the opposite end of the lover, consider their feelings and adjust accordingly. Sometimes that involves letting them go because you can’t be what they need. Life’s too short for anything else.

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