Close your eyes.
To walk through the front door and lay gentle kisses on their lips as he carries you to the shower to cleanse the body before sexually devouring it? You’ve arrived in a summer dress with no panties and no bra. He removed it and into the shower you go. After he washes and rinses you, he shifts the shower water from your faces, lightly lifts your leg to taste the deepest part of your womanhood. Soft, deep but gentle circles with his tongue. Your back arches as you lightly claw at his shoulders… On his way up to your lips his remembers to lick every inch until he reaches your lips for a succulent kiss. Oh, but you won’t be outdone so you kiss and nibble his neck, shoulders, chest, inner thigh, down to the strongest part of his manhood. You take every inch between your parted lips while including your tongue, up and down, in and out. He plays in your hair and massages your scalp. His toes curl, you did it girl! Once you’re done you make your way back up to his lips. He turns the shower off and steps out to dry and returns to dry you off. Once you’re dry, he lifts you out of the shower and carries you to the bed while staring into your eyes (yes, he knows where he’s going already). He lays you on the bed, grabs some oil and massages that body of yours. As he massages your butt, he ever so slightly lifts your inner thighs to taste the yoni once more before entering. You’re so moist, he’s so erect and he goes as deep as he can as you become one…
You lie awake. It’s the middle of the night, 1:16am to be exact. You’ve finally come to terms that there are absolutely two of you, maybe even three. Not in a literal sense but most definitely in a spiritual, physiological sense. The battle of the great you. You’re not quite sure when the other versions came to fruition, you just know they exist. This is the first time you’ve realized it, said it, wrote it. Acknowledgement. So much goes wrong in our lives due to lack of acknowledgement. You no longer feel… Numb. Instead of fighting through our storm, we create another. Maybe you didn’t create a new storm, maybe it’s a calm but every day can’t be sunny. You’ve created these alter egos that have allowed you to view your life instead of living it. You’ve become a coward to your own truth. Deep. Dark. It became raw, deep and dark because the walls came closing in on you so heavily that you suddenly couldn’t breathe and the only way to escape was to transform, disappear, die. Your body almost died so you thought you would add your soul, mind and spirit. You disappeared. You died. Many only know the you that you’ve presented. Even if they get a glimpse of the grey areas they ignore because you’re their rock, not the other way around. You were born a diamond, corundum, topaz. Your strength undeniable. You are strong by force. Many things and people have attempted to destroy you, but you stand. You’ve defied death in theory, but didn’t a part of you die every time? You gravitate to people now because you feel a greater sense of loss, the fragility of life. You need to feel alive. Many have watched it happen to others, few have experienced it. It’s quite different when it is you. It’s as if you’re watching someone else’s life. It is life altering forever. The way you do everything is different. You feel, love, touch, smell, kiss, taste, hear and live differently. Everything feels intensified. Deeper. Strangely and terrifyingly deep. You have the sense of ” I have to, right now” because honestly you don’t feel as confident in tomorrow as you use to. You are forever changed. How many times have you tried to find yourself again. Couldn’t do it? It’s because that you is no longer with us. A glimmer of the old you still exist but you feel it. It’s over-powering, uncontrollable, selfish, entangled, entrapped. Limbo. That’s where you are, in limbo…
Per Urban Dictionary: Demisexuals are characterized by a lack of sexual attraction toward any person unless they become deeply emotionally or romantically connected with a specific person or persons. The level of connection it takes for sexual desire to form is dependent on how close the relationship is rather than initial attraction.
Per Dictionary.com: Chemistry is the interaction of one personality with another.
This is quite possibly the most intriguing topic I’ve written about. You see, I just discovered that demisexuals exist and learned the meaning. I recently had a conversation with someone about how great sex is due to waiting for someone you love. Even if you don’t realize you’re waiting for the person. The example they provided was waiting until marriage to make love to the person. There is something overpowering about having sex with a person that you are deeply in love with first. Do you think that changes the reactions afterwards? Does it enhance the feeling forever or temporarily? Is the chemistry downplayed until the big moment?
The tricky part is that you have a greater chance of being hurt due to your emotional investment. I’m definitely not the authority on this topic. I love completely, not forever, but completely. I use to think that I loved forever. People have the ability to change you when you least expect it. I’ve learned so much from those around me recently. We all have if we just pay attention and follow the unspoken words and the signs. Oddly enough, love has a control switch. Not exactly the love, but the responses because of it. I use to believe that there were some people that I would love unconditionally, that’s another topic for another day. You can’t control who you love or certain circumstances, but you can control you. Preserving love making…
I read a quote about how awesome it is to have chemistry but timing being the biggest bitch, true or false? I have a theory on both. Maybe the timing was distinct because it should never occur. Chemistry is a powerful, electrifying thrill of a feeling. Magnetic if you will. The funny thing is that, a moment, a word, a thought or reaction can alter how you feel about the person. With or without the attraction when you least expect it. Once you cross the sexual threshold you have expectations. Whether you realize this initially or not. These expectations will teach you to ask the necessary questions to receive the answers you require. Silence is golden, so if you never receive an answer, follow the wind. Don’t savor moments too long, they won’t do you any good. Understand and learn from that passion, from that place. Most importantly be honest with yourself, even if they are not capable of being honest with you. Don’t spend too much time being hung up on chemistry. If demisexuality and chemistry are combined, you may have something once the timing is right.
The urge to satisfy, feel, smell, taste and hear are amazing. Pleasing to the body, but especially to the mouth. There’s that moment when you just have to have it! Dopamine rises, palms may even sweat a little, eyes widen, your mouth gets wet from salivating and hope ensues. It’s hard to keep yourself contained, controlled. The anticipation is so high that you’re excited. You start to lick your lips at the thought. So hopeful that you begin to bite your lips ever so softly. Beaming. Here they come, closer, closer, and finally….
Your food arrives! Lol! Geesh, you all are nasty! What did you think I was talking about? Good morning!
P.S don’t forget to request the password. I’m on IG & Snapchat: TheRegalWoman
Listening to the wind blow, the ocean wave, smell of the sea and suddenly life seems so simple. When and why do we complicate our lives. Are we even capable of controlling the potential chaos? They say the tongue is an almighty sword. Who is “they”, because they were right. The sweet and tender words to scorn filled words all have a controlling aspect. What do we do to change repetitive cycles? The thing that I have learned is that sometimes you must sacrifice the feelings of others in order to save yourself. Funny how that works, huh? We let the words of others affect how we function and process. The truth is that we are giving away the power that we possess inside of us. Learn to feel the energy, pay attention to the signs, stop asking questions, remember that not only do people lie, they are not in tune with themselves enough to provide what you are requesting. Energy is a powerful thing. I don’t believe in fate, but energy is most intriguing. Electricity. There are people who you’ve met for the very first time but you feel as if you’ve known them forever. I will never attempt to know or understand everything about love of any type, but I do know that its remarkable. I think the mistake we make is attempting to understand love. Love is that long, deep, slow breath you take when frustration or passion have invited themselves to the party. Like a breath of fresh air, that moment when the eyes lock, the touch is reminiscent to a warm Sunday afternoon, the hug reminds you of fresh sheets straight from the dryer and…. You know that feeling. Intimacy. Power. Love. Just remember…Learn to feel the energy, pay attention to the signs, stop asking questions, remember that not only do people lie, they are not in tune with themselves enough to provide what you are requesting and last but not least, just live. Good night!