Tag Archives: Couples

Only human….

Each day is another chance to make a mistake, break a heart, start a fight, be rude, mean or disrespectful, but each day is also a chance to fix all of the above. Do people choose to not fix it because of pride, hurt or exhaustion? In a perfect world none of these things would even occur, but our world is real. We hurt the people we love, we get tired of being hurt, we say things with the intent to be dismissive, we fail to see the damage that we cause. Sometimes the fear of loving a person causes us to lash out and push them away in a heinous way. In efforts to heal ourselves, we break others or break the bond that may have been built on the internal brokenness of one or both parties. In order to heal, they must release, review and heal together. Or do they? Were they better before one another or after? There is no perfect love. Love is both beautiful and complicated because we are human. Is there an internal emptiness that resides where that person use to. Is their absence deeper than physical draw? Are they replaceable or did they create a world completely owned by the two of you. A dream.

“What happens to a dream deferred, does it dry up like a raisin in the sun”.

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Good morning….


My musical love affair…

The wind blowing, the beat of a song, the sound of a voice, the thought of a smile, lyrics to a song, intoxicating smells, a simple touch…

Driving and listening to music are two great things that help clear my mind. It settles my soul in a way that only music can and makes everything better! I’m a passionate person and it shows. When it’s true love, I love deeply, completely and forever.

From the moment I turn you on, you turn me on. You capture my heart by your rhythm. The beat gets deep into my soul and marks its territory. I should get away but I need just a little more. I’m like an addict, I yearn. Over and over again, you do your thing. It’s amazing, you get better with time!

Thank you my dear sweet music!


Music reminds of love. When most of us fall in love, we have no idea. That road is an interesting one. It’s so simplistic that it can go unnoticed until one day “bam”! It hits like a ton of bricks! We fall in love with many things. Life, people, music and even stuff.

We listen to music to motivate us and cheer us up! Those bumping fitness jams and that inspirational soul music that gives you life. You know what I’m talking about 😏


You ever notice how you listen to the lyrics of a song when you’re in a deep mood? The mood can be deep love, deep sadness or the state of being overjoyed. Yes, music is amazing that way. What’s the song that you turn to when your in love, love lost, happy, sad or exploring?

I remember when I heard Carl Thomas’ song “Giving you all of my love”! Changed my life!

“It’s just a wish on my mind, hoping you’d have the time

When I wanna see you, for something to hold on to.

If love is just a silly game, then I’m a fool that sang for loving you. Still I feel you don’t have nothing to prove

Touching you, holding you, is all I really wanna do. Day and night I just can’t get enough. I want you more, and really need, for you to just believe in me. And I’ll be giving you all of my love”…

Just beautiful! Remember to love deeply, even if it’s not forever! Be authentically you, and if someone doesn’t like it, show them love ad kindness and move forward. It’s better to love and lost than to never love at all! Steal a kiss, close your eyes, listen to lyrics, feel the breeze,  daydream a beautiful thought, make last minute rendezvous arrangements, be spontaneous,  imagine the touch, dance like no one is watching …😘


The Inconvenient Truth…

We often walk dark paths while attempting to deceive others into believing that our path is full of light. Society sheds such a bad light on not feeling like yourself, depression and mental illness of any sort. This is the biggest reason that many suffer in silence. Sometimes we do things, find people and say things that become our drugs and therapy versus getting the necessary help. These new drugs are strong addictions that you find impossible to kick, not because you need it, not because it’s good to you or for you but because you are numb and just want to feel again.

It is impossible to heal if you are only avoiding. Healing is hard. Healing is very hard. It is lonely, dark and cold. Those things or people that are now your drug are like a “vacation” an escape away from your own reality. This means that not only are you not healing, you’ve now created something else to forgive yourself for. You’ve dug a hole that only continues to get deeper and darker. Of course you smile because that’s your role in everyone’s life. You take it on the chin and understand that some people are just inherently assholes and no matter what you do or say it will never be enough. Just remember that it’s ok to be in this place. It’s not ok to continuously ignore yourself.

1. Find a place in your heart and forgive yourself and others

*Journey through what got you to where you are in this space. Dig deep

2. Write your woes on a sheet of paper and burn it

3. Start therapy and/ or medication to get you back on track if deemed necessary by a medical doctor

4. Take some time to yourself and evaluate how you treat people and how you allow people to treat you

5. The final tip is to love yourself no matter what. This will become difficult. At times you won’t like the person that’s staring back at you in the mirror. It’s constant change, constant evolution. You’ve contemplated the worse possible thoughts and you’ve been able to talk yourself out of it. You’re not alone. I know it feels that way because no one really understands. Especially when you’re taking blow after blow while trying not to break every single day. You’re so strong. As you read this you are realizing how much strength you possess.

6.  If you start to crack again, start from step 1.

Please ask for help before you give up.


Our True Self…

People have expectations for us on a daily basis. Sometimes life moves so quickly that we do not even notice that we’ve adapted to who they want us to be. Along the way we lose ourselves and the intended direction of our journey. We find ourselves helping everyone and quenching their thirst from our own empty glass. A glass goes through a number of changes. Empty. Cracked. Shattered to pieces. Broken. You hear people say this but you’re so strong that it will never be you. The truth is, you saw the signs and watched yourself crumbling but you didn’t get the help you needed.

We are all human. Flawed. Fragile. We all require a certain something that we fail to discuss. Let’s discuss.
Upcoming publication: The Regal Woman


Make Love Not War….

Be cautious with your words. True with your intentions. Release negative withholdings. Soothe your inner being. Move and act in love. Be genuine.

Today is a wonderful day to renew your energy. Focus on cleansing and healing. Share your energy with like minds. If you choose to make love or have sex today, be intentional in that. The energy you release and the energy you take in all play a role in your life. Be aware of what you are choosing to internalize.

❤️💫


The Journey…

The “strongest” people often take the longest to fall apart. This isn’t because they are immune to pain, but usually because they are so busy paying attention, helping and healing others that their needs fall to the waist side. When their limits are reached, it’s usually felt in a physical manifestation. It’s your body’s way of telling you that you are stressed, in shambles and slowly slipping away….

I want to take this time to ask you, both men and women, to take some time to assess yourself. What are you holding on to. What haunts you? Are you depressed? Do you know the symptoms? Are you aware that depression looks different in everyone? No two people are alike. It is not simply sleeping all day or closing yourself away. Please do not be afraid or embarrassed to look into whether or not this is you. Things can stay so buried that we never see them slipping back into the big picture. Too many of us are afraid or ashamed to be vulnerable. Possibly due to previous experience, but avoiding is damaging to yourself and everyone in your path.

Take yourself on a journey of self discovery and be completely honest with yourself.

Ladies, men battle depression and that has to be ok because they are human as well. Holding in what ails them will lead to self destruction. Men, depression in women is not the same as emotional symptoms of PMS. All of her feelings are not attributed to “her time of the month. Depression does not discriminate. Age, race, gender, sexual orientation, abled bodies, disabled, height, weight, none of the aforementioned.

The conversation, dialogue, narrative must change in order for us to heal as a collective.

Welcome to BTWN LVRS: Changing The Narrative


Men and the emotional weight…

From children, some men were raised to be tough, strong, fearless, avoidant of crying or closeness, and under no means was vulnerability a trait that manhood requires.

These young boys were taught not cry when experiencing real physical or emotional pain. That their feelings and emotions don’t matter because only “girls display that type of stuff”! As they grow older their first love hurts them and they are told “toughen up, and find several more! Sadness isn’t normal! Love is for babies and little girls! Get them before they get you. Never tell them how you feel because they will use it against you. No one will ever love you anyway. Or lastly, mom is the only woman that truly loves me”. These young men have been exposed to and/or experienced physical, sexual and mental abuse that they’ve been too ashamed to speak on.

How can he learn true resolve if the human need to expel emotion is revoked?

This breeds men that are disconnected emotionally and mentally, are always “ok”, strong to a fault, emotionally and mentally exhausted, have a fear of intimacy and vulnerability, emotionally and mentally co-dependent on mom, incapable of committing, unknowingly depressed and breaking down from the inside out. This burden is a trend in their world.

The world hasn’t really been that considerate of the feelings of men, especially the feelings of Black men. In a country they fight for that also fears their very existence, they must humble themselves to avoid being any type of threat. They are prejudged and ridiculed solely based on appearance. We say we want men to lead and to command respect while placing the world on their shoulders and expecting them to have no feelings about the effects of such a burden.

It is time to allow men to not only express but for them to truly acknowledge and feel. How can he be at fault for understanding sex but not intimacy under these terms? If we as a society, continue to think it’s ok to call a man that speaks his truth “weak”, then we are also saying that it is ok for him to walk through life and damage as many people that are in his path. That my dear, includes his children as well. That cycle will continue to damage throughout the generations of young men and women until someone decides that it is time for change.

A man whom is healed, is a man who possesses unmatched strength!


Sexless Love…

Sex is only 50% of the relationship when its bad or barely existent.
Why are people having unsatisfied sex? Why are they silent about that fact? Why do some women not know what great, wall climbing, back scratching sex is?                                                                Why is it a chore and not a pleasure?

This is geared towards the people in relationships and marriages, not so much as the single people. Single people still have the capability to have a different partner and resume new lust and fresh passion. You know who you are, even if you’re in denial. Men, I know you have heard the saying that a woman’s sex drive is tied to her emotions. Understand that for many, they are, doesn’t mean you will never get some. Just keep in mind that your sex lives in previous relationships are completely and utterly IRRELEVANT. Men and women have heard the saying that men are physical and don’t necessarily combined sex with emotion. It’s physical. However, when you’re in a relationship for many years, you can’t just hop on her and expect her to be ready. Some women need the car warmed up. But ladies, you don’t always have a headache (sex can help that though) and every time won’t be romantic. That doesn’t mean it can’t be great. No one should roll their eyes during sex because they are bored.
First things first: know your mate!!!!!!!

1. Talk to your partner. If the sex isn’t good it is the fault of both individuals. Communication is just as important in the bedroom as it is outside of the bedroom. Don’t be afraid to share who you are sexually with your partner. Closed mouths to get fed. And be open to change.

2. Explore. How is your man suppose to now know how to please you, if you don’t. Case closed. Men how is she suppose to know if your not telling her, she’s not the ex or the ones before her.

3. Be confident in your abilities whether you are a man or woman. Never be to cocky in a relationship because what worked on or with someone else may not work with this partner.

4. I have said this a thousand times. Take a trip to a toy store with your mate. If you’re married and want to be for the next 40-50 years, you should both be satisfied.

5. The two of you should decide what “normal” is. Never let anyone else determine the rules of your relationship. Create your own norms that satisfy you both!

All in all it’s a partnership. Don’t say anything that you wouldn’t want said to you. It can be a delicate discussion. My motto is that you should have a rewarding sex life, not a chore list. A sex bucket list is sexy though!

It’s alright if you require sex therapy but always, always try to work within your reach a push a bit past it. The two of you know each other best. Pay attention to when your mate is sexually frustrated. Everything that seems as if it is about sex, may actually be an underlying issue. Hence….communication is key!

Have fun and try something exciting tonight! Until next time lovers!! 🙂

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Love or friendship?

I was watching divorce court one day and each person was saying “I still love him/her, but I want out”! So my question is, what makes the marriage last? In my opinion, it is the friendship. No matter how much you love your mate, you must be their friend first. A marriage can not blissfully succeed without it. My reason is simple…. Your friends are easily forgiven. They may lie to you or even talk behind your back, but somehow you say it’s ok and are friends once again. If at some point your spouse disagrees with you or tells you a white lie, oh it’s over!!! Call the lawyers and divide this stuff up!
So often do people say, Why can he/she not talk to me, the way they are so open with their friends. Well, why not open the door. First, leave the judgement, criticism, and snarky comments at the door. Your spouse wants a friend, not a tyrant, judge or jury. It’s never to late unless the proceedings have begun, but even then you never know. Marriages and relationships are on a rapid decline, when the vows were said, they were said with forever on mind. Now if it is most definitely a done deal , so be it! Just consider how you would want to be forgiven or how you interact with your friends.


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