Sometimes, if only for a moment I wish I could be a kid again. Or at the very least, disappear for awhile to some quiet with no worries. As a kid, life was a bit easier, no decisions to make, no tears unless I was really bad or being spoiled, but most importantly my loved ones were near, dear, safe and sound. Well, mostly. I remember the first time my heart felt broken. I was 10 years old. My mom came into my room with a cup of chocolate pudding and sat down next to me. My Uncle had past. At 10, this man was much of my universe. His smile, his happiness, his laughter. Just one of the greatest humans to live. See, my grandfather died a few years prior but I didn’t know him well and hadn’t spent much time with him. I grew up in New Jersey near my uncle (his brother) but my grandfather lived in Baltimore. My uncle became my surrogate grandfather in a way. When he passed, it felt as if a part of me died as well.
Fast forward 25 years, my strongest rock, my grand foundation, and another piece of me is lying in wait of death and my heart is once again in shambles….
Waiting is the worse. Watching is sadness.
So yes, take me to a space of no worries. Even if only for a moment. I usually go silent when I deal with major life events, it’s helpful. I just chose to write this time. Find a way to express yourself and know that it’s ok to be sad at times, but don’t stay in that space too long. Release.
I won’t complain because much has been given in this life. So many blessings, exciting moments and laughter! Take a moment to smile at those thoughts. No one is untouchable, take time to appreciate them while they’re here…
Joy comes in the morning.
“When I had nothing more to lose, I was given everything. When I ceased to be who I am, I found myself. When I experienced humiliation and yet kept on walking, I understood that I was free to choose my destiny.”
Sometimes you find yourself in an uphill battle with war waged against you for unknown reasons. Even when you fight, your heart is the armor but the outcome is only known by your opponent. Often times so many of us travel the world with unhealed hearts that we purposely find numerous faults with others, become careless with others feelings, humiliate them, hurt them, and force them away to avoid dealing with matters of the heart. Maybe they entered your life with the goal to destroy, hurt or dismantle. Or maybe it’s simply… hurt people, hurt people. Fear drives people. Confusion scares people. Loneliness becomes defensiveness. Darkness becomes the shadow.
If you’ve been there, be a light for the walk up the path. The most unexpected things and unexpected people become healing. It is no easy feat nor can it be forced. Being the light doesn’t make you flawless or indestructible, it makes you willing and capable yet still a work in progress.
There have been many things things that were suppose to break you in your ethereal state but you are resilient with a purpose filled with love, forgiveness, hope, wisdom and passion to a fault. With that said….protect your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.
It’s Freaky Friday, so why not!!!
Ah yes… yours is so sexy, you feel it every time you climb into bed, daydream at your desk, stand in the shower, or have mundane conversations with people. That fantasy crosses your mind every silent moment you have. You know the one….
You close your eyes and it begins…. you’re suddenly in a room. A beautifully decorated room. The person comes over to greet you. Sweet kisses, hand holding, pressed against the door because the passion doesn’t allow you to move much further. That kiss is delicious, intoxicating. You wore a dress because… that’s sexy for this fantasy. Hands gently rub your thighs up your dress to remove your panties. You’re carried to the nearest wall mirror and passionately kissed on your lips, cheeks, and neck. He stands you up on the floor and turns you toward the wall length mirror. He pulls your dress up and over. Kisses the length of your spine, shoulders, neck. Your eyes are open as you watch him in the mirror. His hands explore every inch as he gently bends you over. You brace on the mirror as passionate love making ensues. Before your knees get weaker, he pulls out and carries you to the bed to lay you down. He kisses you down your body. Neck, collarbone, chest, breasts, stomach, hips, a sweet kiss on the yoni, thighs, toes. Back up the legs, thighs, as he gently parts your legs, he wraps his arms around your thighs and pulls your yogi closer to his lips. As he kisses, licks, kisses, licks…. your back arches, you bite your lip, reaching down to caress his head as you moan his name and tell him how you feel. He’s like an artist painting a picture with his tongue. Soft, slow, precise. He kisses your hips and thighs as he enters you deeply. You gasp! The thrusts are long, deep and it’s soaking wet…… Good morning dolls! Happy Friday!
Sometimes we travel this life in search of something. You may never truly know what it is until you stumble across it. The thought of it makes you smile. You close your eyes and there it is right before you. Happiness.
It comes in many forms. So often we voluntarily sacrifice ourselves for the happiness of others. Or we accept the ill conduct of others that we are scared to lose. Know that it is absolutely ok to have expectations of others. You can expect that they treat you with love, respect and concern for your well being if they are in your life as friends or lovers. That expectations means that you show ppl how to treat you. Be the type of person you want others to be to you. They may not, but you can certainly expect that ppl treat you a certain way or be willing to walk away. If it is not in accordance with what you desire to be Happy in this life, you can absolutely walk away. We must stop doing what others deem the “right” thing when it comes to our lives. Consider what makes you happy. There are no guarantees in this life and for all we know, there’s only one shot at it!
Life is full of twists and turns. The unexpected can make it both exciting and terrifying, especially with matters of the heart. Sometimes you open yourself up to things and people that you know could potentially hurt you. Because aren’t love and pain inevitable? How long do you give without receiving? How long do you let pain supersede love? Or do you? Matters of the heart are tricky but the more you give, the more vulnerable you are, the more you could be taken advantage of. We are not always cognizant of how we affect others. Life moves so fast that we may not even care. Nevertheless, punches must be rolled with. Does this mean you should hide in the dark shadows of hurt and pain? No, it just means you should be aware that “hurt people, hurt people”…
We often walk dark paths while attempting to deceive others into believing that our path is full of light. Society sheds such a bad light on not feeling like yourself, depression and mental illness of any sort. This is the biggest reason that many suffer in silence. Sometimes we do things, find people and say things that become our drugs and therapy versus getting the necessary help. These new drugs are strong addictions that you find impossible to kick, not because you need it, not because it’s good to you or for you but because you are numb and just want to feel again.
It is impossible to heal if you are only avoiding. Healing is hard. Healing is very hard. It is lonely, dark and cold. Those things or people that are now your drug are like a “vacation” an escape away from your own reality. This means that not only are you not healing, you’ve now created something else to forgive yourself for. You’ve dug a hole that only continues to get deeper and darker. Of course you smile because that’s your role in everyone’s life. Just remember that it’s ok to be in this place. It’s not ok to continuously ignore it.
1. Find a place in your heart and forgive yourself
2. Write your woes on a sheet of paper and burn it
3. Start therapy and/ or medication to get you back on track if deemed necessary by a medical doctor
4. Take some time to yourself
5. The final tip is to love yourself no matter what. This will become difficult. At times you won’t like the person that’s staring back at you in the mirror. You’ve contemplated the worse possible thoughts and you’ve been able to talk yourself out of it. You’re not alone. I know it feels that way because no one really understands. Especially when you’re taking blow after blow while trying not to break every single day. You’re so strong. As you read this you are realizing how much strength you possess.
6. If you start to crack again, start from step 1.
Please ask for help before you give up.
People have expectations for us on a daily basis. Sometimes life moves so quickly that we do not even notice that we’ve adapted to who they want us to be. Along the way we lose ourselves and the intended direction of our journey. We find ourselves helping everyone and quenching their thirst from our own empty glass. A glass goes through a number of changes. Empty. Cracked. Shattered to pieces. Broken. You hear people say this but you’re so strong that it will never be you. The truth is, you saw the signs and watched yourself crumbling but you didn’t get the help you needed.
We are all human. Flawed. Fragile. We all require a certain something that we fail to discuss. Let’s discuss.
Upcoming publication: The Regal Woman
From the moment our feet hit the floor in the morning, people have ideas about what we should be doing with our life. Everything from what we should wear to who we should date/marry. There are rules for women that are set by other women, men, society as a whole. Our clothes dictate whether we should be taken seriously. Who we decide to date can create negative or positive views towards us, but not the men. We have to be a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets. Be pure in virtue but have experience to please a man. Be ambitious but not aggressive or manly. Be smart but do not over shadow the man in the room. We are so use to others tearing us down that we tear one another down for the most irrelevant and unnecessary reasons. Being a woman comes with incredible hardships. Many of us are emotional creature and that is not easily understood by men. The fact is that women are created to love in a certain way. If that love is shunned, it changes her little by little. We are expected to take things with stride because we are told or expected to do so. Understand that I believe that healthy competition in the work place/ board room is necessary for the sake of business but constant criticism isn’t necessary.
The facts are simple, we women often bounce back from many situations. Why… because we are rock stars! We are nurturers, child bearers, wives, teachers, business women, CEO’s, authors, writers, publishers, artists, producers, musicians, actresses, directors, trainers, doctors, lawyers, psychologists… and we run the world! We do so much that it is time that we just recognize one another. Take the time out of your day to show appreciation to another woman. It is hard enough to live up to society’s unrealistic views, let’s just enjoy being women for the time being.
So as you know by know, I love food and cooking! Tonight I have prepared collards, sweet peppers, red onions and tomatoes! Using coconut oil, I lightly sautéed all ingredients and I am now devouring them! Took about 12-15 to sauté. Try not to over cook, keeping bright colors in the veggies!
Visit me on SnapChat if you have it!
Good night, off to do homework… As you also know, I may be back if I get bored with it! 😜
So I’ve decided to do a series of “clarity” moments each day this month.
I’ve realized that I am a sweet, stern, loving, controlling, passionate, strong, caring, dominant, endearing and loyal person. Yes, all of that mess. This also means that I am quite aware of all of my flaws which makes it easier to feel human.
You see, people have so many unrealistic expectations for others, but none of themselves. We have to learn that people will make mistakes and it’s up to us to forgive them. Don’t be so short sided that you can’t forgive a person. Life’s so short and precious we only have one choice…
- Love hard
- Kiss passionately
- Accept differences
- Appreciate differences
- Laugh and smile as much as you can
- Try something spontaneous
- Live like you love life
- Take the chances while you have them
Have a beautiful day and thank you, thank you, thank you for reading my thoughts!
Find me on social media 😍 I haven’t mastered Periscope or Snapchat yet, but I will!