Tag Archives: Family
From the moment our feet hit the floor in the morning, people have ideas about what we should be doing with our life. Everything from what we should wear to who we should date/marry. How we should feel, grow and adapt to maltreatment and be grateful for it or ignore it until it happens again. There are rules for women that are set by other women, men, society as a whole. Our clothes dictate whether we should be taken seriously. Who we decide to date can create negative or positive views towards us, but not the men. We have to be a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets. Be pure in virtue but have experience to please a man. Be ambitious but not aggressive or manly. Be smart but do not over shadow the man in the room. We are so use to others tearing us down that we tear one another down for the most irrelevant and unnecessary reasons. Being a woman comes with incredible hardships. Many of us are emotional creature and that is not easily understood by men. The fact is that women are created to love in a certain way. If that love is shunned, it changes her little by little. We are expected to take things with stride because we are told or expected to do so. Understand that I believe that healthy competition in the work place/ board room is necessary for the sake of business but constant criticism isn’t necessary.
The facts are simple, we women often bounce back from many situations. Why… because we are rock stars! We are nurturers, child bearers, wives, teachers, business women, CEO’s, authors, writers, publishers, artists, producers, musicians, actresses, directors, trainers, doctors, lawyers, psychologists… and we run the world! We do so much that it is time that we just recognize one another. Take the time out of your day to show appreciation to another woman. It is hard enough to live up to society’s unrealistic views, let’s just enjoy being women for the time being.
We often walk dark paths while attempting to deceive others into believing that our path is full of light. Society sheds such a bad light on not feeling like yourself, depression and mental illness of any sort. This is the biggest reason that many suffer in silence. Sometimes we do things, find people and say things that become our drugs and therapy versus getting the necessary help. These new drugs are strong addictions that you find impossible to kick, not because you need it, not because it’s good to you or for you but because you are numb and just want to feel again.
It is impossible to heal if you are only avoiding. Healing is hard. Healing is very hard. It is lonely, dark and cold. Those things or people that are now your drug are like a “vacation” an escape away from your own reality. This means that not only are you not healing, you’ve now created something else to forgive yourself for. You’ve dug a hole that only continues to get deeper and darker. Of course you smile because that’s your role in everyone’s life. You take it on the chin and understand that some people are just inherently assholes and no matter what you do or say it will never be enough. Just remember that it’s ok to be in this place. It’s not ok to continuously ignore yourself.
1. Find a place in your heart and forgive yourself and others
*Journey through what got you to where you are in this space. Dig deep
2. Write your woes on a sheet of paper and burn it
3. Start therapy and/ or medication to get you back on track if deemed necessary by a medical doctor
4. Take some time to yourself and evaluate how you treat people and how you allow people to treat you
5. The final tip is to love yourself no matter what. This will become difficult. At times you won’t like the person that’s staring back at you in the mirror. It’s constant change, constant evolution. You’ve contemplated the worse possible thoughts and you’ve been able to talk yourself out of it. You’re not alone. I know it feels that way because no one really understands. Especially when you’re taking blow after blow while trying not to break every single day. You’re so strong. As you read this you are realizing how much strength you possess.
6. If you start to crack again, start from step 1.
People have expectations for us on a daily basis. Sometimes life moves so quickly that we do not even notice that we’ve adapted to who they want us to be. Along the way we lose ourselves and the intended direction of our journey. We find ourselves helping everyone and quenching their thirst from our own empty glass. A glass goes through a number of changes. Empty. Cracked. Shattered to pieces. Broken. You hear people say this but you’re so strong that it will never be you. The truth is, you saw the signs and watched yourself crumbling but you didn’t get the help you needed.
We are all human. Flawed. Fragile. We all require a certain something that we fail to discuss. Let’s discuss.
Upcoming publication: The Regal Woman
The “strongest” people often take the longest to fall apart. This isn’t because they are immune to pain, but usually because they are so busy paying attention, helping and healing others that their needs fall to the waist side. When their limits are reached, it’s usually felt in a physical manifestation. It’s your body’s way of telling you that you are stressed, in shambles and slowly slipping away….
I want to take this time to ask you, both men and women, to take some time to assess yourself. What are you holding on to. What haunts you? Are you depressed? Do you know the symptoms? Are you aware that depression looks different in everyone? No two people are alike. It is not simply sleeping all day or closing yourself away. Please do not be afraid or embarrassed to look into whether or not this is you. Things can stay so buried that we never see them slipping back into the big picture. Too many of us are afraid or ashamed to be vulnerable. Possibly due to previous experience, but avoiding is damaging to yourself and everyone in your path.
Take yourself on a journey of self discovery and be completely honest with yourself.
Ladies, men battle depression and that has to be ok because they are human as well. Holding in what ails them will lead to self destruction. Men, depression in women is not the same as emotional symptoms of PMS. All of her feelings are not attributed to “her time of the month. Depression does not discriminate. Age, race, gender, sexual orientation, abled bodies, disabled, height, weight, none of the aforementioned.
The conversation, dialogue, narrative must change in order for us to heal as a collective.
Welcome to BTWN LVRS: Changing The Narrative
From children, some men were raised to be tough, strong, fearless, avoidant of crying or closeness, and under no means was vulnerability a trait that manhood requires.
These young boys were taught not cry when experiencing real physical or emotional pain. That their feelings and emotions don’t matter because only “girls display that type of stuff”! As they grow older their first love hurts them and they are told “toughen up, and find several more! Sadness isn’t normal! Love is for babies and little girls! Get them before they get you. Never tell them how you feel because they will use it against you. No one will ever love you anyway. Or lastly, mom is the only woman that truly loves me”. These young men have been exposed to and/or experienced physical, sexual and mental abuse that they’ve been too ashamed to speak on.
How can he learn true resolve if the human need to expel emotion is revoked?
This breeds men that are disconnected emotionally and mentally, are always “ok”, strong to a fault, emotionally and mentally exhausted, have a fear of intimacy and vulnerability, emotionally and mentally co-dependent on mom, incapable of committing, unknowingly depressed and breaking down from the inside out. This burden is a trend in their world.
The world hasn’t really been that considerate of the feelings of men, especially the feelings of Black men. In a country they fight for that also fears their very existence, they must humble themselves to avoid being any type of threat. They are prejudged and ridiculed solely based on appearance. We say we want men to lead and to command respect while placing the world on their shoulders and expecting them to have no feelings about the effects of such a burden.
It is time to allow men to not only express but for them to truly acknowledge and feel. How can he be at fault for understanding sex but not intimacy under these terms? If we as a society, continue to think it’s ok to call a man that speaks his truth “weak”, then we are also saying that it is ok for him to walk through life and damage as many people that are in his path. That my dear, includes his children as well. That cycle will continue to damage throughout the generations of young men and women until someone decides that it is time for change.
A man whom is healed, is a man who possesses unmatched strength!
I was watching divorce court one day and each person was saying “I still love him/her, but I want out”! So my question is, what makes the marriage last? In my opinion, it is the friendship. No matter how much you love your mate, you must be their friend first. A marriage can not blissfully succeed without it. My reason is simple…. Your friends are easily forgiven. They may lie to you or even talk behind your back, but somehow you say it’s ok and are friends once again. If at some point your spouse disagrees with you or tells you a white lie, oh it’s over!!! Call the lawyers and divide this stuff up!
So often do people say, Why can he/she not talk to me, the way they are so open with their friends. Well, why not open the door. First, leave the judgement, criticism, and snarky comments at the door. Your spouse wants a friend, not a tyrant, judge or jury. It’s never to late unless the proceedings have begun, but even then you never know. Marriages and relationships are on a rapid decline, when the vows were said, they were said with forever on mind. Now if it is most definitely a done deal , so be it! Just consider how you would want to be forgiven or how you interact with your friends.
Do opposites really attract??
I often hear people say opposites attract, but I wonder for how long. In the beginning people love what seems opposite to them, but after a couple of years things may greatly fizzle.
Example 1: you love how calm she is and the fact that she stays home to wait for you. On the other hand, you’re a social butterfly and the honeymoon phase is over. You want to do something, anything except stay home!! Now you’re second guessing if this is the right one for you because you compromised your wants. You understand compromise, but when does that become complete sacrifice.
Example 2: He is a ton of fun, but a little sarcastic. Not dumb, but could use a peep at current events. You’re the intellectual type, but he keeps you smiling. That was fun at first, but now you want to have stimulating conversation and that is a no go because of his lack there of.
Just an observation but do people become bored with what is consider the opposite?
Had to do some research for you 🙂
Ever try to do a strip tease or really wanted to, but didn’t want to be embarrassed? Well first thing first, men just enjoy the thought of knowing that you won’t be wearing clothes long 🙂 Just a few tips on some spicy techniques to add to your routine. Set the video camera up first!!!!
1. Make sure he is seated in the middle of the room.
2. Try a business suit. No shirt underneth, just a bra, no panties. Make sure the breast are sitting up nicely and button the jacket. (There is something enticing about a woman in a business suit).
3. Very high heels. (Heels accentuate the legs and buttocks).
4. Sexy music. (choose music that your man enjoys, he will love it). Something you can groove to!
5. Make sure you smell tasty.
6. Go slow and start from across the room. Keep heels on at all times. Bottoms (hopefully a skirt, not pants) will come off first.
7. Stand in front of his chair and use any leg to place your foot in his chair. Bend over towards him, kiss him. Tease each lip with soft kisses and gently suck. Step back down, turn around, give him a little lap dance. Pop back up really slow and sexy, with your butt near his face and pull the skirt down slowly, tease a little. All that’s left are the jacket, heels, and panties. What happens next is up to you!! Enjoy!!
I have decided to focus on this blog more often. Love and life can be quite complicated and discussions should take place. I chose this format so that you may ask questions and respond anonymously. Please feel free to suggest topics, invite friends and join the conversations.
Many of us find ourselves in love. We do not always remember when it started but it felt good. Somehow in the years of togetherness you may feel like you lost yourself or lost something. You have been an individual for so long that you struggle to conform to your new life. You love your mate, but the push and pull can get tough. The smallest thing can quite possibly set you off. Or you just don’t quite know why they are so mad about such a small issue. Sound familiar? Whether you are married or not is irrelevant, because each relationship requires a certain amount of conformity. The roles then begin, who takes the kids to school, wakes up at 5 to feed the crying baby, who does the dishes, or cooks. In the mist of trying to make this thing work, you still try to keep a little of yourself for yourself.
Question: What is the best thing about love, relationships and marriage?
Question: Have your views changed since you’ve been married?
Question: How do you achieve keeping a little of yourself?
Question: What do you find most difficult with relationships whether you are single or involved?
Question: What is the most attractive thing in a man or woman?
Singles: What are the issues that come with being single?
If you find it hard to date, what could be done to improve it?
Would you be receptive to singles event that are tailored to your standards?
Being single comes with perks and negatives, Im sure. What are they?
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