Sometimes the most unexpected things occur and knock you off your feet. You’re so use to fighting and loving in destruction that you fail to see a good thing and you sabotage it. You call it protection or boredom or simply bad timing, but it’s actually fear. Fear that you are finally feeling the love and effort that you deserve. Fear that somehow it will all come crashing down so you make mountains out of mole hills. You date the emotionally detached, the avoiders, the mommy/daddy issues, the ones too damaged and arrogant to even try, because you’re use to disappointment. But you know what, love? You deserve that one that shows you things your heart, mind, eyes and soul have never experienced and may even find inconceivable. Don’t be your own worst enemy. Healing is healing and it’s never too late to start that journey. Allow someone to love you through it when time lends its hand. Even if it’s short lived, embrace it.
Possibly three of the most powerful words many of us will ever hear but what’s the impact?
Sometimes it’s not that people love you, it’s that they love themselves and love how you make them feel. They love your consistency and dependability. Sometimes we put so much emphasis on hearing people tell us they love us but their actions show otherwise.
Loving someone means that sometimes you are uncomfortable because you learn to love that person in a way they understand love. The way they feel it. Meaning you took the time to listen and learn. How can you love someone when you only show it in a way that’s comfortable for you and find yourself shocked when they fail to feel loved. Or are confused about where they stand with you.
No one wants to always conform to the other persons way of loving with nothing in return. Love can be scary because of the fear of being hurt, but always keeping your guard up will result in people growing tired and walking away.
The most resilient in love may not mind the vulnerability because they understand the reward is great. Those people are often disregarded and undervalued. The best part is that eventually they figure out that they are wasting their love and move forward…
Day by day, each and every one of us has a struggle. There are no small struggles. It is not selfish to want to make yourself a priority, it is necessary. Self-care is key and understanding what you want can be just as important as what you need. We go through so many things we never share with another soul, that could cause us to suffer in silence and be alone in the midst of darkness that most wish to never encounter. All those thoughts, fears, pains, feelings… just let them pour onto the paper. I’ve included what I call, “Tarah-isms: Food for Thought” to hopefully provide some motivation, comfort, support, insight and solace…..
How to get the want
Each day is another chance to make a mistake, break a heart, start a fight, be rude, mean or disrespectful, but each day is also a chance to fix all of the above. Do people choose to not fix it because of pride, hurt or exhaustion? In a perfect world none of these things would even occur, but our world is real. We hurt the people we love, we get tired of being hurt, we say things with the intent to be dismissive, we fail to see the damage that we cause. Sometimes the fear of loving a person causes us to lash out and push them away in a heinous way. In efforts to heal ourselves, we break others or break the bond that may have been built on the internal brokenness of one or both parties. In order to heal, they must release, review and heal together. Or do they? Were they better before one another or after? There is no perfect love. Love is both beautiful and complicated because we are human. Is there an internal emptiness that resides where that person use to. Is their absence deeper than physical draw? Are they replaceable or did they create a world completely owned by the two of you. A dream.
“What happens to a dream deferred, does it dry up like a raisin in the sun”.
We often walk dark paths while attempting to deceive others into believing that our path is full of light. Society sheds such a bad light on not feeling like yourself, depression and mental illness of any sort. This is the biggest reason that many suffer in silence. Sometimes we do things, find people and say things that become our drugs and therapy versus getting the necessary help. These new drugs are strong addictions that you find impossible to kick, not because you need it, not because it’s good to you or for you but because you are numb and just want to feel again.
It is impossible to heal if you are only avoiding. Healing is hard. Healing is very hard. It is lonely, dark and cold. Those things or people that are now your drug are like a “vacation” an escape away from your own reality. This means that not only are you not healing, you’ve now created something else to forgive yourself for. You’ve dug a hole that only continues to get deeper and darker. Of course you smile because that’s your role in everyone’s life. You take it on the chin and understand that some people are just inherently assholes and no matter what you do or say it will never be enough. Just remember that it’s ok to be in this place. It’s not ok to continuously ignore yourself.
1. Find a place in your heart and forgive yourself and others
*Journey through what got you to where you are in this space. Dig deep
2. Write your woes on a sheet of paper and burn it
3. Start therapy and/ or medication to get you back on track if deemed necessary by a medical doctor
4. Take some time to yourself and evaluate how you treat people and how you allow people to treat you
5. The final tip is to love yourself no matter what. This will become difficult. At times you won’t like the person that’s staring back at you in the mirror. It’s constant change, constant evolution. You’ve contemplated the worse possible thoughts and you’ve been able to talk yourself out of it. You’re not alone. I know it feels that way because no one really understands. Especially when you’re taking blow after blow while trying not to break every single day. You’re so strong. As you read this you are realizing how much strength you possess.
6. If you start to crack again, start from step 1.
Please ask for help before you give up.
Be cautious with your words. True with your intentions. Release negative withholdings. Soothe your inner being. Move and act in love. Be genuine.
Today is a wonderful day to renew your energy. Focus on cleansing and healing. Share your energy with like minds. If you choose to make love or have sex today, be intentional in that. The energy you release and the energy you take in all play a role in your life. Be aware of what you are choosing to internalize.
I’m sure you’ve discovered that you have been this person at some or several points in your life.
Well look at you! Always on point and unbothered. The epitome of a well balanced person. Lie!! Hello Pretender.
There may be a point where you’ve become another person, but you’re unsure when it happened. So many things have brought you to this place. You’ve watched others become this person and you offered love and support to get them back on track. Now it’s your turn to take a spin on the downward spiral. This spiral has you completely out of character, overly emotional, questionable thoughts and constant confusion. All while pretending that it’s normal.
Now here comes the interesting part… So although you feel this way, you smile and make others comfortable and even happy. Heck, you even laugh and smile because you’ve somehow convinced yourself that you’re ok. Besides, that’s the way your people prefer you to be… Strong, together and unmoved. That makes them comfortable. Low and behold, the tears capture you because guess what? You’re not ok!
- Why is it that people feel the need to hide what they are actually going through, in order to make others feel better. Including their significant others.
- Why is it that people are so narcissistic that they have this idea that your only problems involve them?
- Why do people feel ashamed to be sad, depressed, stressed or just funky?
It’s ok. Really. It’s ok to not feel like yourself or to be any or all of the above ⬆️ emotions. Just find an outlet. Stop pretending because eventually it will catch up with you and it will be difficult to control.
So many of us are walking around just pretending and have no idea.
My advice… Take some time and try to find your way back to “YOU”!