A meeting by chance that lasts only for a moment. Years go by and paths cross again to blissful, seductive, confusingly passionate soul mate connection type of loving for 27hrs. The lip biting, leg quivering, lick around the labia until you pass out type of loving. The slow massage, toe sucking, booty massage, neck kissing, intentional, ear nibbling, who the fuck is this man, speaking sweet nothings to you, sensual genius type of love. The next day you’re in love until you realize…. it was all a dream and I think my next book will be erotica!!!!!
I’m finally saying hello to 2020. The last decade brought me many things. Love, pain, success, knowledge, growth, happiness, peace and joy. But also, self-discovery, self-worth, self-love. I’ve grown mentally, emotionally, spiritually and sexually! As an emotional creature, I sometimes feel a bit deeper than maybe the average.
I’ve learned so much about love, loss and missteps.
I’ve learned about love addiction rooting from feelings of abandonment and rejection that are deep rooted from childhood.
Learned how that love addiction caused irrational feelings of desperation and unhealthy attachments.
Learned how much trauma not only shapes who you are but creates the inability to even see that a problem exists. We get conditioned to pain and we don’t even realize it. We confuse pain with love and the true form becomes unrecognizable.
Learned what it really looks like to own my shit, have patience with myself and grow from it.
Learned accountability and responsibility which helped with emotional regulation.
Learned that I didn’t fully express the dark parts of myself out of fear of judgment, shame or further abandonment.
Learned that those dark parts are part of my story and to allow them to be just that with only progress moving forward.
Lastly, I truly learned the importance of loving and being loved in a language that I understand and what it should feel like. To also accept others and understand their love languages how to meet them there.
For everyone that rocked with me this last decade, it was one hell of a ride and I wouldn’t change a thing about it!
Thank you to my final year in my 30th decade, for the lessons you’ve taught me. Time to knock out these goals and intentions for this week, month, year and decade!
You are deserving of great things and they will all come your way.
Yes, I’m talking about biting your lip at the sheer thought of your lover. Tracing their face with your finger tip, tightening your legs from the shiver and exhaling because you realized you weren’t breathing! Whew! Closing your eyes and feeling them in their absence…
Open your eyes when kissing and watch how much passion takes over your body. It’s intoxicating! So much passion and intimacy lies within the touch. Touch one another. Play with one another. Laugh and talk with one another. Plan a surprise hotel stay and make love all night! Have a parking lot make out session! Throw caution to the wind but don’t get locked up! Please! Go on a date with crotchless panties! Get handsy! Play in the car, but don’t end in sex, leave with a little anticipation, a little yearning but not too long! Life is about fun as well. Loosen up!
Be with someone who makes it overtly clear that they want you! If you have beautiful, easy and solid chemistry, don’t take it granted, everyone doesn’t have it. It doesn’t mean they can’t have a beautiful relationship though. True intimacy takes effort. Consider your lover. Men typically want to be wanted, women want to be desired. Women love to be considered. Simple as that. The power of passion lies in intimacy. The power of intimacy lies in communication. The power of communication lies in vulnerability.
I’m in a unique space, where my energy only allows freedom, autonomy and love at this point. For a long time I felt trapped in a space of confusion that made me feel uncertain, as if I couldn’t breathe and made me cling irrationally. That came from hurt, fear, pain…trauma.
Sometimes our lives are full of expectations and other peoples needs that you fulfill. In those times people simply want to feel appreciated. They don’t want to beg others to spend time with them, hope they are thought of during the day or week only to not know or be last minute thoughts. They simply desire for someone to be nice to them with no pretense or expectations.
• Appreciate those who surround you.
• Be kind because it’s free.
•Kindness is so simplistically beautiful that it will change your life right before your eyes
•Stop acting as if you’re too busy for the people care about you. Even the busiest men and women make time.
Life is as simple and as beautiful as we allow ourselves to make it. Even people who have suffered the greatest heartbreaks and reside in extreme poverty still find reasons to smile. Send a smile a strangers way and be genuine.
Sometimes we spend so much time making others happy that we miss ourselves. Don’t miss yourself!
Day by day, each and every one of us has a struggle. There are no small struggles. It is not selfish to want to make yourself a priority, it is necessary. Self-care is key and understanding what you want can be just as important as what you need. We go through so many things we never share with another soul, that could cause us to suffer in silence and be alone in the midst of darkness that most wish to never encounter. All those thoughts, fears, pains, feelings… just let them pour onto the paper. I’ve included what I call, “Tarah-isms: Food for Thought” to hopefully provide some motivation, comfort, support, insight and solace…..
Each day is another chance to make a mistake, break a heart, start a fight, be rude, mean or disrespectful, but each day is also a chance to fix all of the above. Do people choose to not fix it because of pride, hurt or exhaustion? In a perfect world none of these things would even occur, but our world is real. We hurt the people we love, we get tired of being hurt, we say things with the intent to be dismissive, we fail to see the damage that we cause. Sometimes the fear of loving a person causes us to lash out and push them away in a heinous way. In efforts to heal ourselves, we break others or break the bond that may have been built on the internal brokenness of one or both parties. In order to heal, they must release, review and heal together. Or do they? Were they better before one another or after? There is no perfect love. Love is both beautiful and complicated because we are human. Is there an internal emptiness that resides where that person use to. Is their absence deeper than physical draw? Are they replaceable or did they create a world completely owned by the two of you. A dream.
“What happens to a dream deferred, does it dry up like a raisin in the sun”.
I’m sure you’ve discovered that you have been this person at some or several points in your life.
Well look at you! Always on point and unbothered. The epitome of a well balanced person. Lie!! Hello Pretender.
There may be a point where you’ve become another person, but you’re unsure when it happened. So many things have brought you to this place. You’ve watched others become this person and you offered love and support to get them back on track. Now it’s your turn to take a spin on the downward spiral. This spiral has you completely out of character, overly emotional, questionable thoughts and constant confusion. All while pretending that it’s normal.
Now here comes the interesting part… So although you feel this way, you smile and make others comfortable and even happy. Heck, you even laugh and smile because you’ve somehow convinced yourself that you’re ok. Besides, that’s the way your people prefer you to be… Strong, together and unmoved. That makes them comfortable. Low and behold, the tears capture you because guess what? You’re not ok!
Why is it that people feel the need to hide what they are actually going through, in order to make others feel better. Including their significant others.
Why is it that people are so narcissistic that they have this idea that your only problems involve them?
Why do people feel ashamed to be sad, depressed, stressed or just funky?
It’s ok. Really. It’s ok to not feel like yourself or to be any or all of the above ⬆️ emotions. Just find an outlet. Stop pretending because eventually it will catch up with you and it will be difficult to control.
So many of us are walking around just pretending and have no idea.
My advice… Take some time and try to find your way back to “YOU”!
I’ve added yoga to my life and it’s amazing how life changing it has been! It’s honestly a whole experience. It connects your mind to your body and believe me, it’s quite different to be connected with yourself.
Life delivers unexpected transformations. You begin to realize that some wants have become needs and you take chances more frequently. Stop waiting for it to happen and make it happen. Life’s too short. You never know the outcome, but try it. You may love it and find it unforgettable! 😘
The plan that you may have had for your life is somehow off track. Fix it! Remember being a teenager and thinking “as soon as I grow up….”. You thought you would have a career that would allow you live in different states and even countries, just to jet set and live life with no burden. Once you’re ready you decide that your going to get married and have 2.5 children and a dog with the white picket fence. This is after you finished jet setting 🙂
Strangely enough those things are well planned but rarely do they happen that way. This day has showed me how some do not quite appreciate their lives and grab life by the balls! No matter where you end up in life, its all about what you do with the time you are given. Be happy with where you are, and learn ways to become proactive instead of reactive. If you want more out of life, just push forward. Opportunities are out there, they just have to be found. I love to meet new people because they give me new perspective. Never think that you can not learn from all types of people. I enjoy picking the brains of great minds. Successful people drive me to be the best me. In order for me to be the best at my craft, I must do what’s necessary to perfect it!