Tag Archives: Men

Closed mouths don’t get fed…

She glances at him from across the hotel bar. She knows him but not intimately. Their companies have multiple accounts together, many of which they have worked on together. She’s always felt some sexual tension and chemistry between them when they work together but she’s too shy to say anything and he’s too professional to get personal at work. She’s always wanted to see him outside of the office but what were the chances of them being on the same out of state account? And in the same hotel!? Was it fate? Who cares! A different state made her feel a bit confident!

In the dimly lit bar, Jill Scott’s “Crown Royal” playing in the background has her feeling bold! She signals the bartender and sends over his current drink of choice. He looks up when he receives it and she raises her glass to “cheer.” As he attempts to walk over, she walks away. The bartender hands him a letter stating the lady left it for him. The letter is simple, “I’m sure this is unexpected but if your desire is the same, use the key.”

When she enters the room she jumps in the shower to freshen up and rolls on a bit of perfume and deodorant. She stays waxed, so it’s all good there! She throws on a bra and panty set and suddenly she hears a knock at the door. With a racing heart, she turns on Sabrina Claudio “Naked” and says “come in”….

Stay tuned…


Men & Intimacy

MEN AND INTIMACY

When sex occurs, energy is transferred. Men, just like women desire a good connection with the person they are having sex with. The difference comes in where some women and men don’t recognize that need. Men need intimacy, nurturing, and erotic love making as well. They need a shoulder, an open heart, acceptance and listening ear. Sometimes men give themselves so freely because they weren’t taught to value themselves or were taken advantage of at a young age. Exposed to things that make vulnerability, trust, love and intimacy a difficult feat. For some men, the need to perform well supersedes the need to connect. Arrogance, aggressiveness and materialism can be a mask for low self esteem and low self confidence. Some seek acceptance by excessive sexual behaviors, raunchy verbiage and avoidance of emotions. Every woman isn’t deserving of every man just as every man isn’t deserving of every woman. There’s strength is controlling carnal desires and limiting them to those deserving. But take some time to uplift the men in your life, be it lover, son, friend or co-worker. Society says emotional vulnerability isn’t ok for them and we end up with toxic masculinity but swear no one knows why. Be the change 💕


I love you…

Possibly three of the most powerful words many of us will ever hear but what’s the impact?

Sometimes it’s not that people love you, it’s that they love themselves and love how you make them feel. They love your consistency and dependability. Sometimes we put so much emphasis on hearing people tell us they love us but their actions show otherwise.

Loving someone means that sometimes you are uncomfortable because you learn to love that person in a way they understand love. The way they feel it. Meaning you took the time to listen and learn. How can you love someone when you only show it in a way that’s comfortable for you and find yourself shocked when they fail to feel loved. Or are confused about where they stand with you.

No one wants to always conform to the other persons way of loving with nothing in return. Love can be scary because of the fear of being hurt, but always keeping your guard up will result in people growing tired and walking away.

The most resilient in love may not mind the vulnerability because they understand the reward is great. Those people are often disregarded and undervalued. The best part is that eventually they figure out that they are wasting their love and move forward…


Seek and you may find…

Sometimes we aren’t searching for what our minds or bodies desires. At time we are searching for what our soul needs. We don’t always realize that until it’s occurred. There’s a depth to all of us, which gets diluted by insignificant matters of life and flesh. We confuse people’s words with real meaning because it’s what we’ve deemed necessary to keep them in our life. All the while their actions have shown us the truth of their words.

If you speak on something that hurts you but they continue to do it, it means one of two things. They don’t want to or they don’t know how. They key to discovering which it is will be shown purely by their effort or lack thereof. Not matter what they say, when people truly love you, effort not excuses will occur. Not perfection, so don’t look for it because that’s not reality.

In actuality, some of these people were never meant to stay forever. As we grow and learn who we are, the picture won’t always be pretty. Accept it but don’t be too harsh on yourself, these are growing pains. Pay attention to what you pay attention to. Everything and everyone aren’t worthy of that much of you. You are this amazing ball of love that shares yourself unconditionally but are growing weary.

Just hold steady, those who not only desire and need your love, compassion and depth are nearing and those who are life lessons will soon fade away. You will never be too much for those you are created for.


Simplicity …

I’m in a unique space, where my energy only allows freedom, autonomy and love at this point. For a long time I felt trapped in a space of confusion that made me feel uncertain, as if I couldn’t breathe and made me cling irrationally. That came from hurt, fear, pain…trauma.

Sometimes our lives are full of expectations and other peoples needs that you fulfill. In those times people simply want to feel appreciated. They don’t want to beg others to spend time with them, hope they are thought of during the day or week only to not know or be last minute thoughts. They simply desire for someone to be nice to them with no pretense or expectations.

• Appreciate those who surround you.

• Be kind because it’s free.

•Kindness is so simplistically beautiful that it will change your life right before your eyes

•Stop acting as if you’re too busy for the people care about you. Even the busiest men and women make time.

Life is as simple and as beautiful as we allow ourselves to make it. Even people who have suffered the greatest heartbreaks and reside in extreme poverty still find reasons to smile. Send a smile a strangers way and be genuine.

Sometimes we spend so much time making others happy that we miss ourselves. Don’t miss yourself!

Signed,

The Nocturnal Philosopher


Attraction…

I read a few articles and different postings about attraction and how we can get it wrong in our relationships. So across the board it discusses being attracted to the persons natural scent. Pheromones. That if anything about their particular scent is off putting to you, they are not the person you’re suppose to be paired with. Do you love the smell of your lover straight out of the shower without perfume lotions or soaps? Do you wake up in the morning and kiss the person without brushing your teeth? Can you?

Furthermore do you like their smell after they come home from a long day of work? Would you make love to them without a shower if they hadn’t been sweating all day?

People believe in soul mates but do those same people believe in compatibility based on natural smell attraction?

I’m curious, have you ever broken off a relationship based on a persons’ natural smell? Have you ever found yourself insanely attracted to a persons’ natural smell but couldn’t understand why?

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The Inconvenient Truth…

We often walk dark paths while attempting to deceive others into believing that our path is full of light. Society sheds such a bad light on not feeling like yourself, depression and mental illness of any sort. This is the biggest reason that many suffer in silence. Sometimes we do things, find people and say things that become our drugs and therapy versus getting the necessary help. These new drugs are strong addictions that you find impossible to kick, not because you need it, not because it’s good to you or for you but because you are numb and just want to feel again.

It is impossible to heal if you are only avoiding. Healing is hard. Healing is very hard. It is lonely, dark and cold. Those things or people that are now your drug are like a “vacation” an escape away from your own reality. This means that not only are you not healing, you’ve now created something else to forgive yourself for. You’ve dug a hole that only continues to get deeper and darker. Of course you smile because that’s your role in everyone’s life. You take it on the chin and understand that some people are just inherently assholes and no matter what you do or say it will never be enough. Just remember that it’s ok to be in this place. It’s not ok to continuously ignore yourself.

1. Find a place in your heart and forgive yourself and others

*Journey through what got you to where you are in this space. Dig deep

2. Write your woes on a sheet of paper and burn it

3. Start therapy and/ or medication to get you back on track if deemed necessary by a medical doctor

4. Take some time to yourself and evaluate how you treat people and how you allow people to treat you

5. The final tip is to love yourself no matter what. This will become difficult. At times you won’t like the person that’s staring back at you in the mirror. It’s constant change, constant evolution. You’ve contemplated the worse possible thoughts and you’ve been able to talk yourself out of it. You’re not alone. I know it feels that way because no one really understands. Especially when you’re taking blow after blow while trying not to break every single day. You’re so strong. As you read this you are realizing how much strength you possess.

6.  If you start to crack again, start from step 1.

Please ask for help before you give up.


My musical love affair…

The wind blowing, the beat of a song, the sound of a voice, the thought of a smile, lyrics to a song, intoxicating smells, a simple touch…

Driving and listening to music are two great things that help clear my mind. It settles my soul in a way that only music can and makes everything better! I’m a passionate person and it shows. When it’s true love, I love deeply, completely and forever.

From the moment I turn you on, you turn me on. You capture my heart by your rhythm. The beat gets deep into my soul and marks its territory. I should get away but I need just a little more. I’m like an addict, I yearn. Over and over again, you do your thing. It’s amazing, you get better with time!

Thank you my dear sweet music!


Music reminds of love. When most of us fall in love, we have no idea. That road is an interesting one. It’s so simplistic that it can go unnoticed until one day “bam”! It hits like a ton of bricks! We fall in love with many things. Life, people, music and even stuff.

We listen to music to motivate us and cheer us up! Those bumping fitness jams and that inspirational soul music that gives you life. You know what I’m talking about 😏


You ever notice how you listen to the lyrics of a song when you’re in a deep mood? The mood can be deep love, deep sadness or the state of being overjoyed. Yes, music is amazing that way. What’s the song that you turn to when your in love, love lost, happy, sad or exploring?

I remember when I heard Carl Thomas’ song “Giving you all of my love”! Changed my life!

“It’s just a wish on my mind, hoping you’d have the time

When I wanna see you, for something to hold on to.

If love is just a silly game, then I’m a fool that sang for loving you. Still I feel you don’t have nothing to prove

Touching you, holding you, is all I really wanna do. Day and night I just can’t get enough. I want you more, and really need, for you to just believe in me. And I’ll be giving you all of my love”…

Just beautiful! Remember to love deeply, even if it’s not forever! Be authentically you, and if someone doesn’t like it, show them love and kindness and move forward. It’s better to love and lost than to never love at all! Steal a kiss, close your eyes, listen to lyrics, feel the breeze,  daydream a beautiful thought, make last minute rendezvous arrangements, be spontaneous,  imagine the touch, dance like no one is watching …😘


Men and the emotional weight…

From children, some men were raised to be tough, strong, fearless, avoidant of crying or closeness, and under no means was vulnerability a trait that manhood requires.

These young boys were taught not cry when experiencing real physical or emotional pain. That their feelings and emotions don’t matter because only “girls display that type of stuff”! As they grow older their first love hurts them and they are told “toughen up, and find several more! Sadness isn’t normal! Love is for babies and little girls! Get them before they get you. Never tell them how you feel because they will use it against you. No one will ever love you anyway. Or lastly, mom is the only woman that truly loves me”. These young men have been exposed to and/or experienced physical, sexual and mental abuse that they’ve been too ashamed to speak on.

How can he learn true resolve if the human need to expel emotion is revoked?

This breeds men that are disconnected emotionally and mentally, are always “ok”, strong to a fault, emotionally and mentally exhausted, have a fear of intimacy and vulnerability, emotionally and mentally co-dependent on mom, incapable of committing, unknowingly depressed and breaking down from the inside out. This burden is a trend in their world.

The world hasn’t really been that considerate of the feelings of men, especially the feelings of Black men. In a country they fight for that also fears their very existence, they must humble themselves to avoid being any type of threat. They are prejudged and ridiculed solely based on appearance. We say we want men to lead and to command respect while placing the world on their shoulders and expecting them to have no feelings about the effects of such a burden.

It is time to allow men to not only express but for them to truly acknowledge and feel. How can he be at fault for understanding sex but not intimacy under these terms? If we as a society, continue to think it’s ok to call a man that speaks his truth “weak”, then we are also saying that it is ok for him to walk through life and damage as many people that are in his path. That my dear, includes his children as well. That cycle will continue to damage throughout the generations of young men and women until someone decides that it is time for change.

A man whom is healed, is a man who possesses unmatched strength!


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