Tag Archives: mental health

Men and the emotional weight…

From children, some men were raised to be tough, strong, fearless, avoidant of crying or closeness, and under no means was vulnerability a trait that manhood requires.

These young boys were taught not cry when experiencing real physical or emotional pain. That their feelings and emotions don’t matter because only “girls display that type of stuff”! As they grow older their first love hurts them and they are told “toughen up, and find several more! Sadness isn’t normal! Love is for babies and little girls! Get them before they get you. Never tell them how you feel because they will use it against you. No one will ever love you anyway. Or lastly, mom is the only woman that truly loves me”. These young men have been exposed to and/or experienced physical, sexual and mental abuse that they’ve been too ashamed to speak on.

How can he learn true resolve if the human need to expel emotion is revoked?

This breeds men that are disconnected emotionally and mentally, are always “ok”, strong to a fault, emotionally and mentally exhausted, have a fear of intimacy and vulnerability, emotionally and mentally co-dependent on mom, incapable of committing, unknowingly depressed and breaking down from the inside out. This burden is a trend in their world.

The world hasn’t really been that considerate of the feelings of men, especially the feelings of Black men. In a country they fight for that also fears their very existence, they must humble themselves to avoid being any type of threat. They are prejudged and ridiculed solely based on appearance. We say we want men to lead and to command respect while placing the world on their shoulders and expecting them to have no feelings about the effects of such a burden.

It is time to allow men to not only express but for them to truly acknowledge and feel. How can he be at fault for understanding sex but not intimacy under these terms? If we as a society, continue to think it’s ok to call a man that speaks his truth “weak”, then we are also saying that it is ok for him to walk through life and damage as many people that are in his path. That my dear, includes his children as well. That cycle will continue to damage throughout the generations of young men and women until someone decides that it is time for change.

A man whom is healed, is a man who possesses unmatched strength!

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Sometimes…

Sometimes, if only for a moment I wish I could be a kid again. Or at the very least, disappear for awhile to some quiet with no worries. As a kid, life was a bit easier, no decisions to make, no tears unless I was really bad or being spoiled, but most importantly my loved ones were near, dear, safe and sound. Well, mostly. I remember the first time my heart felt broken. I was 10 years old. My mom came into my room with a cup of chocolate pudding and sat down next to me. My Uncle had past. At 10, this man was much of my universe. His smile, his happiness, his laughter. Just one of the greatest humans to live. See, my grandfather died a few years prior but I didn’t know him well and hadn’t spent much time with him. I grew up in New Jersey near my uncle (his brother) but my grandfather lived in Baltimore. My uncle became my surrogate grandfather in a way. When he passed, it felt as if a part of me died as well.

Fast forward 25 years, my strongest rock, my grand foundation, and another piece of me is lying in wait of death and my heart is once again in shambles….

Waiting is the worse. Watching is sadness.

So yes, take me to a space of no worries. Even if only for a moment. I usually go silent when I deal with major life events, it’s helpful. I just chose to write this time. Find a way to express yourself and know that it’s ok to be sad at times, but don’t stay in that space too long. Release.

I won’t complain because much has been given in this life. So many blessings, exciting moments and laughter! Take a moment to smile at those thoughts. No one is untouchable, take time to appreciate them while they’re here…

Joy comes in the morning.


The Inconvenient Truth…

We often walk dark paths while attempting to deceive others into believing that our path is full of light. Society sheds such a bad light on not feeling like yourself, depression and mental illness of any sort. This is the biggest reason that many suffer in silence. Sometimes we do things, find people and say things that become our drugs and therapy versus getting the necessary help. These new drugs are strong addictions that you find impossible to kick, not because you need it, not because it’s good to you or for you but because you are numb and just want to feel again. 

It is impossible to heal if you are only avoiding. Healing is hard. Healing is very hard. It is lonely, dark and cold. Those things or people that are now your drug are like a “vacation” an escape away from your own reality. This means that not only are you not healing, you’ve now created something else to forgive yourself for. You’ve dug a hole that only continues to get deeper and darker. Of course you smile because that’s your role in everyone’s life. Just remember that it’s ok to be in this place. It’s not ok to continuously ignore it. 

1. Find a place in your heart and forgive yourself

2. Write your woes on a sheet of paper and burn it

3. Start therapy and/ or medication to get you back on track if deemed necessary by a medical doctor 

4. Take some time to yourself

5. The final tip is to love yourself no matter what. This will become difficult. At times you won’t like the person that’s staring back at you in the mirror. You’ve contemplated the worse possible thoughts and you’ve been able to talk yourself out of it. You’re not alone. I know it feels that way because no one really understands. Especially when you’re taking blow after blow while trying not to break every single day. You’re so strong. As you read this you are realizing how much strength you possess. 

6.  If you start to crack again, start from step 1. 

Please ask for help before you give up. 


Self Love… 

There are so many things that I can say about this subject, but I will keep it brief.

  • Don’t take life to seriously, try to be silly once in awhile!
  • Take time each day to appreciate the person you are!
  • Don’t try to be perfect, be apologetically you!
  • Make the changes in yourself that you desire from others!
  • Stop pretending you’re ok, when you’re really aren’t.
  • It’s ok, to not be ok.
  • Please exercise and eat right (if you’re not already). Life’s to short to be unhealthy on purpose! (I’ll post a quick 30 minute workout and grocery list this week as well).
  • If you find someone that loves you for exactly who you are, love them back. Love is beautiful! Be real.
  • Be your own cheer leader.
  • Ask for help if you need it!
  • Create a daily ritual that sets the tone for your day!
  • If you want to reinvent yourself, why not start today?
  • Try something new
  • Smile!
  • Laugh!
  • Pay it forward!
  • And last but not least, try to relax a little. Sometimes we overthink, stress and completely panic over things that may not matter in a week. Relax, smile, laugh and live!


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