Tag Archives: partners
From children, some men were raised to be tough, strong, fearless, avoidant of crying or closeness, and under no means was vulnerability a trait that manhood requires.
These young boys were taught not cry when experiencing real physical or emotional pain. That their feelings and emotions don’t matter because only “girls display that type of stuff”! As they grow older their first love hurts them and they are told “toughen up, and find several more! Sadness isn’t normal! Love is for babies and little girls! Get them before they get you. Never tell them how you feel because they will use it against you. No one will ever love you anyway. Or lastly, mom is the only woman that truly loves me”. These young men have been exposed to and/or experienced physical, sexual and mental abuse that they’ve been too ashamed to speak on.
How can he learn true resolve if the human need to expel emotion is revoked?
This breeds men that are disconnected emotionally and mentally, are always “ok”, strong to a fault, emotionally and mentally exhausted, have a fear of intimacy and vulnerability, emotionally and mentally co-dependent on mom, incapable of committing, unknowingly depressed and breaking down from the inside out. This burden is a trend in their world.
The world hasn’t really been that considerate of the feelings of men, especially the feelings of Black men. In a country they fight for that also fears their very existence, they must humble themselves to avoid being any type of threat. They are prejudged and ridiculed solely based on appearance. We say we want men to lead and to command respect while placing the world on their shoulders and expecting them to have no feelings about the effects of such a burden.
It is time to allow men to not only express but for them to truly acknowledge and feel. How can he be at fault for understanding sex but not intimacy under these terms? If we as a society, continue to think it’s ok to call a man that speaks his truth “weak”, then we are also saying that it is ok for him to walk through life and damage as many people that are in his path. That my dear, includes his children as well. That cycle will continue to damage throughout the generations of young men and women until someone decides that it is time for change.
A man whom is healed, is a man who possesses unmatched strength!
I was watching divorce court one day and each person was saying “I still love him/her, but I want out”! So my question is, what makes the marriage last? In my opinion, it is the friendship. No matter how much you love your mate, you must be their friend first. A marriage can not blissfully succeed without it. My reason is simple…. Your friends are easily forgiven. They may lie to you or even talk behind your back, but somehow you say it’s ok and are friends once again. If at some point your spouse disagrees with you or tells you a white lie, oh it’s over!!! Call the lawyers and divide this stuff up!
So often do people say, Why can he/she not talk to me, the way they are so open with their friends. Well, why not open the door. First, leave the judgement, criticism, and snarky comments at the door. Your spouse wants a friend, not a tyrant, judge or jury. It’s never to late unless the proceedings have begun, but even then you never know. Marriages and relationships are on a rapid decline, when the vows were said, they were said with forever on mind. Now if it is most definitely a done deal , so be it! Just consider how you would want to be forgiven or how you interact with your friends.
Do opposites really attract??
I often hear people say opposites attract, but I wonder for how long. In the beginning people love what seems opposite to them, but after a couple of years things may greatly fizzle.
Example 1: you love how calm she is and the fact that she stays home to wait for you. On the other hand, you’re a social butterfly and the honeymoon phase is over. You want to do something, anything except stay home!! Now you’re second guessing if this is the right one for you because you compromised your wants. You understand compromise, but when does that become complete sacrifice.
Example 2: He is a ton of fun, but a little sarcastic. Not dumb, but could use a peep at current events. You’re the intellectual type, but he keeps you smiling. That was fun at first, but now you want to have stimulating conversation and that is a no go because of his lack there of.
Just an observation but do people become bored with what is consider the opposite?
Had to do some research for you 🙂
Ever try to do a strip tease or really wanted to, but didn’t want to be embarrassed? Well first thing first, men just enjoy the thought of knowing that you won’t be wearing clothes long 🙂 Just a few tips on some spicy techniques to add to your routine. Set the video camera up first!!!!
1. Make sure he is seated in the middle of the room.
2. Try a business suit. No shirt underneth, just a bra, no panties. Make sure the breast are sitting up nicely and button the jacket. (There is something enticing about a woman in a business suit).
3. Very high heels. (Heels accentuate the legs and buttocks).
4. Sexy music. (choose music that your man enjoys, he will love it). Something you can groove to!
5. Make sure you smell tasty.
6. Go slow and start from across the room. Keep heels on at all times. Bottoms (hopefully a skirt, not pants) will come off first.
7. Stand in front of his chair and use any leg to place your foot in his chair. Bend over towards him, kiss him. Tease each lip with soft kisses and gently suck. Step back down, turn around, give him a little lap dance. Pop back up really slow and sexy, with your butt near his face and pull the skirt down slowly, tease a little. All that’s left are the jacket, heels, and panties. What happens next is up to you!! Enjoy!!
I have decided to focus on this blog more often. Love and life can be quite complicated and discussions should take place. I chose this format so that you may ask questions and respond anonymously. Please feel free to suggest topics, invite friends and join the conversations.
Many of us find ourselves in love. We do not always remember when it started but it felt good. Somehow in the years of togetherness you may feel like you lost yourself or lost something. You have been an individual for so long that you struggle to conform to your new life. You love your mate, but the push and pull can get tough. The smallest thing can quite possibly set you off. Or you just don’t quite know why they are so mad about such a small issue. Sound familiar? Whether you are married or not is irrelevant, because each relationship requires a certain amount of conformity. The roles then begin, who takes the kids to school, wakes up at 5 to feed the crying baby, who does the dishes, or cooks. In the mist of trying to make this thing work, you still try to keep a little of yourself for yourself.
Question: What is the best thing about love, relationships and marriage?
Question: Have your views changed since you’ve been married?
Question: How do you achieve keeping a little of yourself?
Question: What do you find most difficult with relationships whether you are single or involved?
Question: What is the most attractive thing in a man or woman?
Singles: What are the issues that come with being single?
If you find it hard to date, what could be done to improve it?
Would you be receptive to singles event that are tailored to your standards?
Being single comes with perks and negatives, Im sure. What are they?
** If you would like to comment but do not want to use your real name, feel free, we would love to hear from you. Your email address is required to comment, but no one can see it. It is for approval purposes.
Life is funny. Love is powerful. Sex is the intertwining of souls. Intoxication. Consumption. Energy. Overwhelming. The staircase to all things love, passion, soul joining….
Is it possible to control who you love and how you love them? Does sex complicate that?
I have this idea that when you have sex with a person, your souls are joining. No matter how brief, that person is apart of you forever. I didn’t respect or even consider this portion of the equation when I was in my 20’s. I heard it before, but wasn’t sure what was meant by it.
I can say this, when you have sex with a person that you are both in love with and/or love beforehand, it is a completely different type of energy. One could say it’s electrifying. Have you felt before?
The act of sex is by far one of the most personal, intimate and enlightening engagements you will participate in. I implore you to be cautious who you share that part of yourself with. If you are in fact deeply in love with or love the person, you’ve now forever changed the dynamics of your love. You may feel possessive, attached and much more involved. Why is that?
Seems normal once you’ve shared yourself with a person. Do you punish yourself for doing it if the other person doesn’t feel the same way or when you don’t know what they feel? Do you even know what you’re feeling? Expectations… Are those feelings overwhelming? Are those feelings fair and warranted? Now what….
So you’re in a relationship for 6 months ( timeframe may vary) and decide to move in together. However, you still have a wandering eye or lustful thoughts for others. So now you want your space and think it is time to take a break even though you really care deeply for this person. You now start second guessing whether or not you should even be in a relationship. Sound familiar? Well, let me give you my thoughts on the subject….
People that are in successful and happy marriages for 25 years, have found themselves looking at other people (which we discussed in the previous post). Having lustful thoughts can be very bad depending on the actions that follow. I’m a realist so please understand when I say the actions, not the thoughts, are the bigger deal. When you love someone, you have to consider how you would feel if the tables were turned. All these ingredients aren’t a recipe for staying single unless you want it to be. Everything worth having is worth fighting for. It’s not often that you meet a person that loves you completely, not for what you can do for them, but because of who you are. Their complete acceptance of you. We are all flawed with baggage but real love isn’t that common, so if you find it, grab it! If you decide to go along with a break, see how you feel without the person. If you feel empty, then rethink that decision. If you feel free, then you made the right decision.
The best start to a relationship, is a friendship. People are more forgiving of their friends, than their lovers. Friendships make the relationship stronger and places it on a better foundation. Things go wrong in love, but cutting and running because of fear or claustrophobia are not good reasons to lose out on a good thing. No one is perfect and loving is a learning process and relationship are balancing acts. Make it happen!
The most confusing parts about love, is being in it by yourself and freeing yourself to allow it. That moment when you realize that you’ve fallen in the deep end with no life jacket. How does the other person feel? Do they feel territorial, is it self preservation or love? You have no real idea. You’re a lover by nature, but not easy to trust and give your heart. So when you do, it’s pretty authentic. Your natural empathic abilities lead you to care deeply for many but only truly love a few. You had no plans of falling, but isn’t that how life works? Loving freely can be a catch 22 for those that have control issues. You have this constant urge to take it back but it’s already out there. The ultimate level of vulnerability. It says that not only have you allowed yourself to give of yourself freely, but you’ve given up controlling what life says should be freed. Love.
Why must we complicate it? Either you do or you don’t, right? Ha!! Complication is the human way! How do you even know when someone truly loves you? Does it matter if it’s one-sided? What about love languages? Is it the verbiage of “I love you”? The way they act? Which means more to you? Does not knowing make you feel deflated? Lessen your love? Wish you could rewind and erase it?
I often wonder why so many people are afraid of loving or speaking in love. Is it because of the possibility of being hurt? Unrequited love? Their past lovers? Childhood? Loving too soon? Isn’t that a testament to the other person? I’m a firm believer that you get one chance at this life. Even if reincarnation, recycling of souls or any variation of such actually occurs, you won’t know. Therefore, we get this one shot. Stop being so afraid of loving people. Living is about loving. I know, I know, loving without being loved back sucks ass! Trust me, I know. The heart wants what the heart wants. When it’s not returned, it kind of creates that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach and you just want to run away (see, told you I understand)! That doesn’t mean that closing yourself off is the healthy option. It’s not! That’s their issue to address in life, not yours. Be willing to walk that walk of love with them, but only if you know it’s what they want as well. Never force love. Love is the easy part. If you’re not sure, take a few steps back to reassess. Give your heart a break. Give them the space they may need. Be open and honest with both your words and your actions. Sometimes you must let that person go to remain the loving being that you are. Someone will come along and thrive on that love, but you must be open and willing.
If you’re the person on the opposite end of the lover, consider their feelings and adjust accordingly. Sometimes that involves letting them go because you can’t be what they need. Life’s too short for anything else.
Ah yes… yours is so sexy, you feel it every time you climb into bed, daydream at your desk, stand in the shower, or have mundane conversations with people. That fantasy crosses your mind every silent moment you have. You know the one….
You close your eyes and it begins…. you’re suddenly in a room. A beautifully decorated room. The person comes over to greet you. Sweet kisses, hand holding, pressed against the door because the passion doesn’t allow you to move much further. That kiss is delicious, intoxicating. You wore a dress because… that’s sexy for this fantasy. Hands gently rub your thighs up your dress to remove your panties. You’re carried to the nearest wall mirror and passionately kissed on your lips, cheeks, and neck. He stands you up on the floor and turns you toward the wall length mirror. He pulls your dress up and over. Kisses the length of your spine, shoulders, neck. Your eyes are open as you watch him in the mirror. His hands explore every inch as he gently bends you over. You brace on the mirror as passionate love making ensues. Before your knees get weaker, he pulls out and carries you to the bed to lay you down. He kisses you down your body. Neck, collarbone, chest, breasts, stomach, hips, a sweet kiss on the yoni, thighs, toes. Back up the legs, thighs, as he gently parts your legs, he wraps his arms around your thighs and pulls your yogi closer to his lips. As he kisses, licks, kisses, licks…. your back arches, you bite your lip, reaching down to caress his head as you moan his name and tell him how you feel. He’s like an artist painting a picture with his tongue. Soft, slow, precise. He kisses your hips and thighs as he enters you deeply. You gasp! The thrusts are long, deep and it’s soaking wet…… Good morning dolls! Happy Friday!