Tag Archives: passion

Men and the emotional weight…

From children, some men were raised to be tough, strong, fearless, avoidant of crying or closeness, and under no means was vulnerability a trait that manhood requires.

These young boys were taught not cry when experiencing real physical or emotional pain. That their feelings and emotions don’t matter because only “girls display that type of stuff”! As they grow older their first love hurts them and they are told “toughen up, and find several more! Sadness isn’t normal! Love is for babies and little girls! Get them before they get you. Never tell them how you feel because they will use it against you. No one will ever love you anyway. Or lastly, mom is the only woman that truly loves me”. These young men have been exposed to and/or experienced physical, sexual and mental abuse that they’ve been too ashamed to speak on.

How can he learn true resolve if the human need to expel emotion is revoked?

This breeds men that are disconnected emotionally and mentally, are always “ok”, strong to a fault, emotionally and mentally exhausted, have a fear of intimacy and vulnerability, emotionally and mentally co-dependent on mom, incapable of committing, unknowingly depressed and breaking down from the inside out. This burden is a trend in their world.

The world hasn’t really been that considerate of the feelings of men, especially the feelings of Black men. In a country they fight for that also fears their very existence, they must humble themselves to avoid being any type of threat. They are prejudged and ridiculed solely based on appearance. We say we want men to lead and to command respect while placing the world on their shoulders and expecting them to have no feelings about the effects of such a burden.

It is time to allow men to not only express but for them to truly acknowledge and feel. How can he be at fault for understanding sex but not intimacy under these terms? If we as a society, continue to think it’s ok to call a man that speaks his truth “weak”, then we are also saying that it is ok for him to walk through life and damage as many people that are in his path. That my dear, includes his children as well. That cycle will continue to damage throughout the generations of young men and women until someone decides that it is time for change.

A man whom is healed, is a man who possesses unmatched strength!

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Sexless Love…

Sex is only 50% of the relationship when its bad or barely existent.
•Why are people having unsatisfied sex? •Why are they silent about that fact? •Why do some women not know what great, wall climbing, back scratching sex is?

•Why is it a chore and not a pleasure?

This is geared towards the people in relationships and marriages, not so much as the single people. Single people still have the capability to have a different partner and resume new lust and fresh passion. You know who you are, even if you’re in denial. Men, I know you have heard the saying that a woman’s sex drive is tied to her emotions. Understand that for many, they are, doesn’t mean you will never get some. Just keep in mind that your sex lives in previous relationships are completely and utterly IRRELEVANT. Men and women have heard the saying that men are physical and don’t necessarily combined sex with emotion. It’s physical. However, when you’re in a relationship for many years, you can’t just hop on her and expect her to be ready. Some women need the car warmed up. But ladies, you don’t always have a headache (sex can help that though) and every time won’t be romantic. That doesn’t mean it can’t be great. No one should roll their eyes during sex because they are bored.
First things first: know your mate!!!!!!!

1. Talk to your partner. If the sex isn’t good it is the fault of both individuals. Communication is just as important in the bedroom as it is outside of the bedroom. Don’t be afraid to share who you are sexually with your partner. Closed mouths to get fed. And be open to change.

2. Explore. How is your man suppose to now know how to please you, if you don’t. Case closed. Men how is she suppose to know if your not telling her, she’s not the ex or the ones before her.

3. Be confident in your abilities whether you are a man or woman. Never be to cocky in a relationship because what worked on or with someone else may not work with this partner.

4. I have said this a thousand times. Take a trip to a toy store with your mate. If you’re married and want to be for the next 40-50 years, you should both be satisfied.

5. The two of you should decide what “normal” is. Never let anyone else determine the rules of your relationship. Create your own norms that satisfy you both!

All in all it’s a partnership. Don’t say anything that you wouldn’t want said to you. It can be a delicate discussion. My motto is that you should have a rewarding sex life, not a chore list. A sex bucket list is sexy though!

It’s alright if you require sex therapy but always, always try to work within your reach a push a bit past it. The two of you know each other best. Pay attention to when your mate is sexually frustrated. Everything that seems as if it is about sex, may actually be an underlying issue. Hence….communication is key!

Have fun and try something exciting tonight! Until next time lovers!! 🙂

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Opposites- Setisoppo: Do they attract??

Do opposites really attract??
I often hear people say opposites attract, but I wonder for how long. In the beginning people love what seems opposite to them, but after a couple of years things may greatly fizzle.

Example 1: you love how calm she is and the fact that she stays home to wait for you. On the other hand, you’re a social butterfly and the honeymoon phase is over. You want to do something, anything except stay home!! Now you’re second guessing if this is the right one for you because you compromised your wants. You understand compromise, but when does that become complete sacrifice.
Example 2: He is a ton of fun, but a little sarcastic. Not dumb, but could use a peep at current events. You’re the intellectual type, but he keeps you smiling. That was fun at first, but now you want to have stimulating conversation and that is a no go because of his lack there of.

Just an observation but do people become bored with what is consider the opposite?


Amorous Intoxication…

Disclaimer: Grown Folks Only

Amorous: am·o·rous – adjective

  • showing, feeling, or relating to sexual desire.
  • synonyms: romanticlustfulsexualerotic

    Lips licked…. The power of interpretation.

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    Let me introduce you to the “Experience”.

  • Are you loved, pleased and satisfied sexually? If you were a teacher, how would you teach this lesson? To provide a fully enjoyable Experience, one must be in tune with the body. It should be a full on Experience. Now understand, this type of Experience is not for everyone and not for every time. I am describing this as the teacher, professor if you will. There is so much that I would love to add to this blog, but I will keep it brief and save it for another blog. Shake off the conventional methods. Grab your student and lets begin.

  • Atmosphere and activity – Seduction starts before the kiss…

  • *Music should be perfect, slow but beautiful. Pay attention to the words of the songs you choose, it is important. Music is key because your body will begin to respond to the sound waves. Go turn on some music, I love Alina Baraz-Can I, Rick Braun/ Love Take Me, Somi- Ginger Me Slowly…The important part about this is to fully understand your own body first. This understanding will make you a better lover. During your dance, touch yourself and get completely comfortable doing so. This will require being naked and you may enjoy closing your eyes.

  • *Environment needs be dimly lit if possible. You want to be able to see what is about to take place. I adore setting the scene in a hotel room because it gives you the freedom to get creative and role play. If you ever have the opportunity to possess 24 full hours of their time, you could do some amazing things.

  • *Choose smells that are lightly scented with Patchouli, Jasmine, Rose or Ylang-ylang. These scents will stimulate the nervous system, attract sexual love and make you feel good.

  • *Fruit is always a great thing to have near the possible locations. This will keep energy up and reduce dry mouth from the kissing sessions. Water and coconut water is also helpful. Bedroom, hotel room, living room (always a great choice) and anywhere else that you can think of. If it is a hotel, choose the bed last, let’s not be boring!

  • So let’s get to the amorous intoxication… If you are intimate with a kisser, tease the lips a little. (That’s open to interpretation too)!  Soft kisses with a gentle suck of the lip. Now use this time wisely, you’re making love not racing. During this time you should recognize your partners motion so be prepared to use it. My advice, slower is always better. It’s much more intense. Erotic. You feel every, single inch and drip of this session. The bodily responses should be warm, wet and hard. The better you work, the wetter the playground. Take your time. Intertwine those fingers and kiss often. During your breaks, touch, fondle and learn more about your bodies. Feed one another the fruit and lick the finger tips. Don’t be afraid to tell the person… “Teach me how to love you. Show me what you need”. This Experience is about a complete connection. When it is time for round 2, introduce something new. Feathers, blindfolds, toys, new positions )a lick, suck and ride all at once if you’re feeling frisky), absolutely no repeats… unless they beg for it. Again, take your time. Touch it, taste it, tease it. After round 3, it’s shower time. This shower should be delicious. Wash him, wash her, move the water from your faces but allow the room to steam. This is the opportunity to explore even further. Place her leg on the side of the tub or railing (anything stable), explore using your fingers or tongue (your choice). Don’t be selfish ladies, you’ll be exploring too. Work every inch of the shower and the body! The feeling is so amazing that you feel… intoxicated. When the shower is over, dry each other off. Go lay down together, what happens next is up to you. You may want to eat some real food though! (I see you biting your lip 😏)!

  • Be a partner and have a partner that is absolutely concerned with your pleasure.  Can you taste it, can you smell them, can you feel them… Flashbacks will occur. Ok, go plan your sexscapade. Don’t wait, great sex awaits you…

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The Power of Intimacy…

Today, we are going all the way there! You asked, I obliged. Let’s go…

If you close your eyes right now, can you feel his or her touch? Can you smell their perfume or cologne? Can you see their face and quite possibly taste them? It’s interesting, isn’t it? Is it intoxicating to the point where you can’t stop yourself? Do you have to stop yourself? Does it cross your mind so many times that it’s actually distracting? Are you wondering if they are thinking of you? How can you be so absolutely drawn to another human being? Is it the sex, the connection or the love? Is it worse for women or men? Is it the intertwining of souls that sticks to you? Are you drawn to one another without any help? Intimacy is not all about sex. Is this person your soul companion? Do you only get one soul companion? Can their be many? Let’s talk…

We all have a love language. The problem is, so many people are involved with others that do not know what it is. Furthermore, sometimes you don’t even know what yours is. Discovering how you love and how you need to be loved can take you down a path full of questions.

  • What is my love language?
  • Can I teach him or her?
  • Is this person my soulmate?
  • How important is intimacy?
  • Are we meant to be together?
  • Am I already happy?
  • Am I relying on him/her to make me happy?

Can you look past intimacy in a relationship because of years in the relationship or love? Do you believe that love and intimacy are the same?

In my opinion: Soul mates, intimacy, love, sex, faithful, friendships… Powerful words with vastly different meanings. A soul mate is a person with feelings of deep and natural affinity, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality. This type of person is your connection when you are not even speaking. They know what you need and how to love you, even if they are not the person that you are in-love with or involved with. You fall into a soul companion arena once you find that the person is deep in your soul, be mindful, you may not be married to or even dating this person.

With all this being said, sometimes you are meant to watch the person fall in love with other people and stand by and watch. Your position in their life may be to provide an unconditional love and remain consistent, but never their mate. You can be honest though. Your role may be the fixer or just the friend. If you have never crossed the sexually intimate line, this may not be too difficult, but it will suck! If you have crossed the sexually intimate line, this is a different story. Let’s just say that the sex was good, not bad, not out of this world to where your thoughts are skewed. Good, but the connection is great or at least you thought so. The connection feels electric, making you feel amorous intoxication (next blog post). Is it now a little better because of the previous bond between you? Now you have new feelings, but they aren’t new, just intensified. You must decide what to do with this emotional overload and do your best to get a grip.

It may be quite overwhelming at first, but you will recover and either go back to being the unconditional lover friend or move forward into a relationship. Still, you should be grateful to have one another, some people go a lifetime without this relationship. It is likely that you will just return to who you previously were. Simply because… All soul companions aren’t meant to be together.


Am I destined to stay single??

So you’re in a relationship for 6 months ( timeframe may vary) and decide to move in together. However, you still have a wandering eye or lustful thoughts for others. So now you want your space and think it is time to take a break even though you really care deeply for this person. You now start second guessing whether or not you should even be in a relationship. Sound familiar? Well, let me give you my thoughts on the subject….

People that are in successful and happy marriages for 25 years, have found themselves looking at other people (which we discussed in the previous post). Having lustful thoughts can be very bad depending on the actions that follow. I’m a realist so please understand when I say the actions, not the thoughts, are the bigger deal. When you love someone, you have to consider how you would feel if the tables were turned. All these ingredients aren’t a recipe for staying single unless you want it to be. Everything worth having is worth fighting for. It’s not often that you meet a person that loves you completely, not for what you can do for them, but because of who you are. Their complete acceptance of you. We are all flawed with baggage but real love isn’t that common, so if you find it, grab it! If you decide to go along with a break, see how you feel without the person. If you feel empty, then rethink that decision. If you feel free, then you made the right decision.

The best start to a relationship, is a friendship. People are more forgiving of their friends, than their lovers. Friendships make the relationship stronger and places it on a better foundation. Things go wrong in love, but cutting and running because of fear or claustrophobia are not good reasons to lose out on a good thing. No one is perfect and loving is a learning process and relationship are balancing acts. Make it happen!


Dark Shadows…

Life is full of twists and turns. The unexpected can make it both exciting and terrifying, especially with matters of the heart. Sometimes you open yourself up to things and people that you know could potentially hurt you. Because aren’t love and pain inevitable? How long do you give without receiving? How long do you let pain supersede love? Or do you? Matters of the heart are tricky but the more you give, the more vulnerable you are, the more you could be taken advantage of. We are not always cognizant of how we affect others. Life moves so fast that we may not even care. Nevertheless, punches must be rolled with. Does this mean you should hide in the dark shadows of hurt and pain? No, it just means you should be aware that “hurt people, hurt people”…

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Imagination…

Let’s exploit your senses! Clear your mind. Now think back to your most passionate encounter. Was it recent? Close your eyes and just think about it……………….

Did you lick or bite your lip from the thought? Did you rub your legs together? Did your breathing become faster, heavier?  Did you find yourself practicing kegels at just the thought of that encounter? Did you manhood come to attention to join the party?

There is something so electrifying about a great kisser. Especially when they smell amazing. Can you smell them right now? Did you feel the kiss on your lips, either pair? Yes, that. The softness of his lips. Her gentle kisses on your neck. The gentle caress of his hands as he takes control of your body. The teasing way she rubs your inner thigh. He pays close attention to where his lips travel. She slowly slides down as you discover her warm oasis. He knows what you need before you do. He moves slowly, deliberately, seductively. She  slowly but deeply winds. He brings out the best and the nastiest in you, Hell, he’s even a mind reader because you were hoping he would lick and suck right there. His lips and your yoni are made for one another and he knows. You didn’t expect her to lick you there, damn blindfold. What is that vibration, then wetness…Ah yes, that’s it.

This encounter, where does it take place? Is it typical, like the bedroom or naughty like the park in the evening? Does he slip his finger up your skirt in the elevator or love you down in the back seat of the car? Are there toys involved? Blindfolds, fruits, feathers, roses, oil, chocolates, handcuffs? Were you senses driven wild?

Let’s just sit that right there and rest in your encounter.

Have a sexy day!

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