2021…. I stepped away for a year! In that year we were hit with a pandemic, who knew! I was also hit with many realities and challenges. Excitement that allowed my soul to rise! I’ll revive this blog because honestly, it’s pretty good y’all! It’s sexy, riveting and honest with information gathered from many sources which allows me to breathe life into each mini saga! For now, I bid you farewell but I shall return with the juice and I hope you’ll be reading….
Tag Archives: relationship
I’m finally saying hello to 2020. The last decade brought me many things. Love, pain, success, knowledge, growth, happiness, peace and joy. But also, self-discovery, self-worth, self-love. I’ve grown mentally, emotionally, spiritually and sexually! As an emotional creature, I sometimes feel a bit deeper than maybe the average.
I’ve learned so much about love, loss and missteps.
I’ve learned about love addiction rooting from feelings of abandonment and rejection that are deep rooted from childhood.
Learned how that love addiction caused irrational feelings of desperation and unhealthy attachments.
Learned how much trauma not only shapes who you are but creates the inability to even see that a problem exists. We get conditioned to pain and we don’t even realize it. We confuse pain with love and the true form becomes unrecognizable.
Learned what it really looks like to own my shit, have patience with myself and grow from it.
Learned accountability and responsibility which helped with emotional regulation.
Learned that I didn’t fully express the dark parts of myself out of fear of judgment, shame or further abandonment.
Learned that those dark parts are part of my story and to allow them to be just that with only progress moving forward.
Lastly, I truly learned the importance of loving and being loved in a language that I understand and what it should feel like. To also accept others and understand their love languages how to meet them there.
For everyone that rocked with me this last decade, it was one hell of a ride and I wouldn’t change a thing about it!
Thank you to my final year in my 30th decade, for the lessons you’ve taught me. Time to knock out these goals and intentions for this week, month, year and decade!
You are deserving of great things and they will all come your way.
MEN AND INTIMACY
When sex occurs, energy is transferred. Men, just like women desire a good connection with the person they are having sex with. The difference comes in where some women and men don’t recognize that need. Men need intimacy, nurturing, and erotic love making as well. They need a shoulder, an open heart, acceptance and listening ear. Sometimes men give themselves so freely because they weren’t taught to value themselves or were taken advantage of at a young age. Exposed to things that make vulnerability, trust, love and intimacy a difficult feat. For some men, the need to perform well supersedes the need to connect. Arrogance, aggressiveness and materialism can be a mask for low self esteem and low self confidence. Some seek acceptance by excessive sexual behaviors, raunchy verbiage and avoidance of emotions. Every woman isn’t deserving of every man just as every man isn’t deserving of every woman. There’s strength is controlling carnal desires and limiting them to those deserving. But take some time to uplift the men in your life, be it lover, son, friend or co-worker. Society says emotional vulnerability isn’t ok for them and we end up with toxic masculinity but swear no one knows why. Be the change 💕
Possibly three of the most powerful words many of us will ever hear but what’s the impact?
Sometimes it’s not that people love you, it’s that they love themselves and love how you make them feel. They love your consistency and dependability. Sometimes we put so much emphasis on hearing people tell us they love us but their actions show otherwise.
Loving someone means that sometimes you are uncomfortable because you learn to love that person in a way they understand love. The way they feel it. Meaning you took the time to listen and learn. How can you love someone when you only show it in a way that’s comfortable for you and find yourself shocked when they fail to feel loved. Or are confused about where they stand with you.
No one wants to always conform to the other persons way of loving with nothing in return. Love can be scary because of the fear of being hurt, but always keeping your guard up will result in people growing tired and walking away.
The most resilient in love may not mind the vulnerability because they understand the reward is great. Those people are often disregarded and undervalued. The best part is that eventually they figure out that they are wasting their love and move forward…
Sometimes we aren’t searching for what our minds or bodies desires. At time we are searching for what our soul needs. We don’t always realize that until it’s occurred. There’s a depth to all of us, which gets diluted by insignificant matters of life and flesh. We confuse people’s words with real meaning because it’s what we’ve deemed necessary to keep them in our life. All the while their actions have shown us the truth of their words.
If you speak on something that hurts you but they continue to do it, it means one of two things. They don’t want to or they don’t know how. They key to discovering which it is will be shown purely by their effort or lack thereof. Not matter what they say, when people truly love you, effort not excuses will occur. Not perfection, so don’t look for it because that’s not reality.
In actuality, some of these people were never meant to stay forever. As we grow and learn who we are, the picture won’t always be pretty. Accept it but don’t be too harsh on yourself, these are growing pains. Pay attention to what you pay attention to. Everything and everyone aren’t worthy of that much of you. You are this amazing ball of love that shares yourself unconditionally but are growing weary.
Just hold steady, those who not only desire and need your love, compassion and depth are nearing and those who are life lessons will soon fade away. You will never be too much for those you are created for.
Yes, I’m talking about biting your lip at the sheer thought of your lover. Tracing their face with your finger tip, tightening your legs from the shiver and exhaling because you realized you weren’t breathing! Whew! Closing your eyes and feeling them in their absence…
Open your eyes when kissing and watch how much passion takes over your body. It’s intoxicating! So much passion and intimacy lies within the touch. Touch one another. Play with one another. Laugh and talk with one another. Plan a surprise hotel stay and make love all night! Have a parking lot make out session! Throw caution to the wind but don’t get locked up! Please! Go on a date with crotchless panties! Get handsy! Play in the car, but don’t end in sex, leave with a little anticipation, a little yearning but not too long! Life is about fun as well. Loosen up!
Be with someone who makes it overtly clear that they want you! If you have beautiful, easy and solid chemistry, don’t take it granted, everyone doesn’t have it. It doesn’t mean they can’t have a beautiful relationship though. True intimacy takes effort. Consider your lover. Men typically want to be wanted, women want to be desired. Women love to be considered. Simple as that. The power of passion lies in intimacy. The power of intimacy lies in communication. The power of communication lies in vulnerability.
I’m in a unique space, where my energy only allows freedom, autonomy and love at this point. For a long time I felt trapped in a space of confusion that made me feel uncertain, as if I couldn’t breathe and made me cling irrationally. That came from hurt, fear, pain…trauma.
Sometimes our lives are full of expectations and other peoples needs that you fulfill. In those times people simply want to feel appreciated. They don’t want to beg others to spend time with them, hope they are thought of during the day or week only to not know or be last minute thoughts. They simply desire for someone to be nice to them with no pretense or expectations.
• Appreciate those who surround you.
• Be kind because it’s free.
•Kindness is so simplistically beautiful that it will change your life right before your eyes
•Stop acting as if you’re too busy for the people care about you. Even the busiest men and women make time.
Life is as simple and as beautiful as we allow ourselves to make it. Even people who have suffered the greatest heartbreaks and reside in extreme poverty still find reasons to smile. Send a smile a strangers way and be genuine.
Sometimes we spend so much time making others happy that we miss ourselves. Don’t miss yourself!
The Nocturnal Philosopher
I read a few articles and different postings about attraction and how we can get it wrong in our relationships. So across the board it discusses being attracted to the persons natural scent. Pheromones. That if anything about their particular scent is off putting to you, they are not the person you’re suppose to be paired with. Do you love the smell of your lover straight out of the shower without perfume lotions or soaps? Do you wake up in the morning and kiss the person without brushing your teeth? Can you?
Furthermore do you like their smell after they come home from a long day of work? Would you make love to them without a shower if they hadn’t been sweating all day?
People believe in soul mates but do those same people believe in compatibility based on natural smell attraction?
I’m curious, have you ever broken off a relationship based on a persons’ natural smell? Have you ever found yourself insanely attracted to a persons’ natural smell but couldn’t understand why?
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Every single day that you wake up and you’re in love is beautiful. It’s also another day in the minefield of things that could explode. Often times we only consider the happiness and joy of love. We fail one another when we don’t consider how impossible it is to not let another person down. To not be terrified of being hurt. To not process our emotions, speak our deep hurts and heal our traumas. We fail one another by thinking that we are best suited to walk this journey alone and if someone wants to walk it with us they must get behind us because beside us isn’t available due to Damage being our right hand. That comfort zone that we all run to when things don’t go our way, get complicated or are more than expected.
Just because we dropped the ball doesn’t mean we can’t pick it back up.
Humans are flawed. Love is intricate. Love is also easy when people are willing to do the work. I sit in my new belief and firmly attest to it. People may love differently but all of us are capable of altering that way if we truly love another by opening our hearts and choosing to do so. We chose how successful we become by doing the work and making sacrifices, love works the same way. Life is about growing, making mistakes and learning from them.
Be open to learning new ways of love. There’s never just one way of doing things. We not only need other people but we need real, solid and true connections.