Tag Archives: therapy

Men and the emotional weight…

From children, some men were raised to be tough, strong, fearless, avoidant of crying or closeness, and under no means was vulnerability a trait that manhood requires.

These young boys were taught not cry when experiencing real physical or emotional pain. That their feelings and emotions don’t matter because only “girls display that type of stuff”! As they grow older their first love hurts them and they are told “toughen up, and find several more! Sadness isn’t normal! Love is for babies and little girls! Get them before they get you. Never tell them how you feel because they will use it against you. No one will ever love you anyway. Or lastly, mom is the only woman that truly loves me”. These young men have been exposed to and/or experienced physical, sexual and mental abuse that they’ve been too ashamed to speak on.

How can he learn true resolve if the human need to expel emotion is revoked?

This breeds men that are disconnected emotionally and mentally, are always “ok”, strong to a fault, emotionally and mentally exhausted, have a fear of intimacy and vulnerability, emotionally and mentally co-dependent on mom, incapable of committing, unknowingly depressed and breaking down from the inside out. This burden is a trend in their world.

The world hasn’t really been that considerate of the feelings of men, especially the feelings of Black men. In a country they fight for that also fears their very existence, they must humble themselves to avoid being any type of threat. They are prejudged and ridiculed solely based on appearance. We say we want men to lead and to command respect while placing the world on their shoulders and expecting them to have no feelings about the effects of such a burden.

It is time to allow men to not only express but for them to truly acknowledge and feel. How can he be at fault for understanding sex but not intimacy under these terms? If we as a society, continue to think it’s ok to call a man that speaks his truth “weak”, then we are also saying that it is ok for him to walk through life and damage as many people that are in his path. That my dear, includes his children as well. That cycle will continue to damage throughout the generations of young men and women until someone decides that it is time for change.

A man whom is healed, is a man who possesses unmatched strength!

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The Battle…

“When I had nothing more to lose, I was given everything. When I ceased to be who I am, I found myself. When I experienced humiliation and yet kept on walking, I understood that I was free to choose my destiny.”

Paulo Coelho

Sometimes you find yourself in an uphill battle with war waged against you for unknown reasons. Even when you fight, your heart is the armor but the outcome is only known by your opponent. Often times so many of us travel the world with unhealed hearts that we purposely find numerous faults with others, become careless with others feelings, humiliate them, hurt them, and force them away to avoid dealing with matters of the heart. Maybe they entered your life with the goal to destroy, hurt or dismantle. Or maybe it’s simply… hurt people, hurt people. Fear drives people. Confusion scares people. Loneliness becomes defensiveness. Darkness becomes the shadow.

If you’ve been there, be a light for the walk up the path. The most unexpected things and unexpected people become healing. It is no easy feat nor can it be forced. Being the light doesn’t make you flawless or indestructible, it makes you willing and capable yet still a work in progress.

There have been many things things that were suppose to break you in your ethereal state but you are resilient with a purpose filled with love, forgiveness, hope, wisdom and passion to a fault. With that said….protect your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life.


Freedom of Love…

The most confusing parts about love, is being in it by yourself and freeing yourself to allow it. That moment when you realize that you’ve fallen in the deep end with no life jacket. How does the other person feel? Do they feel territorial, is it self preservation or love? You have no real idea. You’re a lover by nature, but not easy to trust and give your heart. So when you do, it’s pretty authentic. Your natural empathic abilities lead you to care deeply for many but only truly love a few. You had no plans of falling, but isn’t that how life works? Loving freely can be a catch 22 for those that have control issues. You have this constant urge to take it back but it’s already out there. The ultimate level of vulnerability. It says that not only have you allowed yourself to give of yourself freely, but you’ve given up controlling what life says should be freed. Love.

Why must we complicate it? Either you do or you don’t, right? Ha!! Complication is the human way! How do you even know when someone truly loves you? Does it matter if it’s one-sided? What about love languages? Is it the verbiage of “I love you”? The way they act? Which means more to you? Does not knowing make you feel deflated? Lessen your love? Wish you could rewind and erase it?

I often wonder why so many people are afraid of loving or speaking in love. Is it because of the possibility of being hurt? Unrequited love? Their past lovers? Childhood? Loving too soon? Isn’t that a testament to the other person? I’m a firm believer that you get one chance at this life. Even if reincarnation, recycling of souls or any variation of such actually occurs, you won’t know. Therefore, we get this one shot. Stop being so afraid of loving people. Living is about loving. I know, I know, loving without being loved back sucks ass! Trust me, I know. The heart wants what the heart wants. When it’s not returned, it kind of creates that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach and you just want to run away (see, told you I understand)! That doesn’t mean that closing yourself off is the healthy option. It’s not! That’s their issue to address in life, not yours. Be willing to walk that walk of love with them, but only if you know it’s what they want as well. Never force love. Love is the easy part. If you’re not sure, take a few steps back to reassess. Give your heart a break. Give them the space they made need. Be open and honest with both your words and your actions. Sometimes you must let that person go to remain the loving being that you are. Someone will come along and thrive on that love, but you must be open and willing.

If you’re the person on the opposite end of the lover, consider their feelings and adjust accordingly. Sometimes that involves letting them go because you can’t be what they need. Life’s too short for anything else.

Www.TarahDavidson.com


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