Re-published post 6/11/16
an uncertain period of awaiting a decision or resolution; an intermediate state or condition.
You lie awake. It’s the middle of the night, 1:16am to be exact. You’ve finally come to terms that there are absolutely two of you, maybe even three. Not in a literal sense but most definitely in a spiritual, physiological sense. The battle of the great you. You’re not quite sure when the other versions came to fruition, you just know they exist. This is the first time you’ve realized it, said it, wrote it. Acknowledgement. So much goes wrong in our lives due to lack of acknowledgement. You no longer feel… Numb. Instead of fighting through our storm, we create another. Maybe you didn’t create a new storm, maybe it’s a calm but every day can’t be sunny. You’ve created these alter egos that have allowed you to view your life instead of living it. You’ve become a coward to your own truth. Deep. Dark. It became raw, deep and dark because the walls came closing in on you so heavily that you suddenly couldn’t breathe and the only way to escape was to transform, disappear, die. Your body almost died so you thought you would add your soul, mind and spirit. You disappeared. You died. Many only know the you that you’ve presented. Even if they get a glimpse of the grey areas they ignore because you’re their rock, not the other way around. You were born a diamond, corundum, topaz. Your strength undeniable. You are strong by force. Many things and people have attempted to destroy you, but you stand. You’ve defied death in a literal sense, but didn’t a part of you die every time? You gravitate to people now because you feel a greater sense of loss, the fragility of life. You need to feel alive. Many have watched it happen to others, few have experienced it. It’s quite different when it is you. It’s as if you’re watching someone else’s life. It is life altering forever. The way you do everything is different. You feel, love, touch, smell, kiss, taste, hear and live differently. Everything feels intensified. Deeper. Strangely and terrifyingly deep. You have the sense of ” I have to, right now” because honestly you don’t feel as confident in tomorrow as you use to. You are forever changed. How many times have you tried to find yourself again. Couldn’t do it? It’s because that you is no longer with us. A glimmer of the old you still exist but you feel it. It’s over-powering, uncontrollable, selfish, entangled, entrapped. Limbo. That’s where you are, in limbo…